


Something Cosmic

by Thatoneloser_kid



Category: Amar a Muerte (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-11-03 22:41:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 29,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17886503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thatoneloser_kid/pseuds/Thatoneloser_kid
Summary: "Let's talk about why your date wasn't going well?” Juliana said, a little grin tugging on her lips, and Valentina laughed softly.“It was nice but, I don't know.” Valentina sat up straight suddenly, shuffling closer to Juliana on the bench seat of the car. “It should be more than that, no? Being around someone like that should just feel right. Safe. Like, being around them is the easiest thing for you to do.”Juliana just stared at Valentina, the fire and spark in her eyes entirely captivating.“There should be this pull, like there are quantum strings pulling you together and no matter how hard you fight it, how much you tell yourself you don't want it, it is inevitable.” Valentina’s brow twitched into a minute frown. ”It should be something cosmic, you know?”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think? I am an English speaking Scottish woman so if the mannerisms and stuff are off for them I'm sorry, and would love for you guys to tell me where I went wrong.
> 
> Tumblr: thatoneloser-kid.tumblr.com

Juliana didn't understand the appeal about dogs until she actually had one.

  
  


The first dog she ever got was a little husky puppy. He was white and grey with one piercing blue/white eye and the other a light brown. He was a rescue dog, her mother had found him chained up to a fence and terrified, so she bought him home. Her dad was unsure at first but eventually relented when her mother hounded him all night about keeping it.

  


They had been inseparable ever since, Juliana would take him everywhere she possibly could.

  


He was pretty much her only friend, the only friend her parents would allow her to have.

  


The carnival wasn't really Juliana’s thing, but she had a choice between staying at home where her alcoholic father and horrible mother were arguing and going to the shitty carnival.

  
  


So she grabbed Kal-El (because that was the only name she could have ups think. Of after spending days reading old superman comics) and left. The dog happily bounced along beside her as she walked to the grounds the carnival was being held.

  
  


The grounds were exactly as Juliana had expected. Full of lights and teenagers and the smell of processed meat and popcorn. It was supposed to be fun but it was the furthest thing from that in her mind.

  
  


Juliana had wandered aimlessly around the park, and was seriously considering leaving when her eyes landed on Valentina Carvajal, ex cheerleader and the girl she sat behind in biology.

  
  


They didn't talk much, mostly because they ran in different circles; Valentina with all the rich kids and Juliana with, well, no one.

  


Valentina made her nervous, and Juliana didn't want to understand why.

  


Valentina was standing by one of the stands, gun braced against her shoulder as she shot the little moving ducks.

  
  


Juliana watched curiously, and it wasn't until she saw a blur of white and grey that she realised Kal-El had run off.

  
  


He headed straight for Valentina and before Juliana could reach him his nose was under Valentina’s skirt, causing her to squeal and jump away.

  
  


"Shit, I'm sorry. That was the dog, not me." Juliana quickly defended, holding onto Kal's collar.

  
  


Valentina looked a little startled, glancing between a mortified Juliana and Kal-El, who was staring up at her, his tongue hanging out the side of his mouth. She smiled after a few seconds, "You should really teach your dog some manners."

  
  


"I've tried, he's not too smart."

  
  


"Aw, now I don't believe that." Valentina crouched down in front of Kal, scratching behind his ears. "Look at that face, such wise eyes."

  
  


"That's what he wants you to believe,"

  
  


Valentina smiled up at Juliana, still scratching the dogs head.

  
  


"You, uh- you were really good at that game, I was watching you from over there." Juliana motioned behind her vaguely.

  
  


"You were?" Valentina tilted her head to the side as she stood up straight, her head cocked and a little smile on her lips.

  
  


"Not in like, a creepy way or anything. I just- I saw that-" Valentina was grinning softly at her, and Juliana just decided to cut her losses and stop talking all together.

  
  


"Well, thank you, anyway." Valentina jabbed her thumb over her shoulder. "I'd better get going."

  
  


"Sure, yeah." Juliana nodded, watching Valentina as she turned away, Kal pulling on his collar, as if trying to get Juliana to follow. Juliana glanced at the dogs hopeful eyes before looking back at Valentina. "If this is the last time we speak, I just want you to know that Kal isn't stupid, he is actually pretty smart."

  
  


"I believe that," Valentina nodded, turning to look at them, lingering there.

  
  


"Do you, maybe- I mean," Juliana scratched the back of her neck and cleared her throat. "I was going to go get ice cream, do you want to come?"

  


Valentina’s eyebrows raised in surprise, and she smiled softly. "That's be nice,"

  
  


Juliana perked up, a smile tugging on her lips. "Okay." Juliana released her grip on Kal’s collar, who then bounded over to Valentina, turning his butt to her and wiggling it when she began scratching.

 

Juliana rolled her eyes at the dog, but couldn't help but smiled when Valentina laughed.

 

“There is an ice cream place at the back of the festival,”

 

“I was thinking we could go to the place I know not far from here.” Juliana suggested. “But if you want to stay, we can, I don't mind.”

 

“No,” Valentina smiled.” Show me a little slice of your life.”

 

Kal bounded in front of them, looking over his shoulder at them every so often, his eyes wide and tongue flailing all over the place.

 

Valentina laughed at the sight. “He is very sweet.”

 

“He is a big dope,” Juliana said. “But, yes, a sweet, big dope.”

 

“He sure is,”

 

“I can wait by my car if you need to go let your friends know you're leaving.” Juliana said, and that seemed to remind Valentina that she was actually there with other people.

 

She glanced back at the crowd, contemplating, before shaking her head. “It wasn't going well, anyway.”

 

That made Juliana frown, at least for a few seconds before she registered what she meant. “Oh, you were in a date?”

 

“Yeah, kind of.” Valentina shrugged, then giggled and rolled her eyes. “With Lucho, you know him, he is Sergio’s best friend.”

 

“Lucho,” Juliana couldn't prevent the way her face scrunched up in disgust. She had never liked Lucho, he was loud and obnoxious, and just always kind of rude to her since she declined a date with him.

 

“Not a fan, I see.” Valentina laughed, shaking her head when Juliana went to defend herself. “I get it, he was sweet but it just wasn't-”

 

“What?”

 

“Nothing,” Valentina assured with a little smile. “Let's go get some ice cream.”

  


Juliana bought three ice cream cones, earning a funny look from Valentina.

  
  


"One is Kal's,"

  
  


"Of course," Valentina laughed, following Juliana back to her car. "So, how are you doing with that biology homework?" 

  
  


"Pretty well," Juliana hummed, sliding into the seat of her beat up chevy, offering the cone Kal-El in the back, who happily licked at it. "I'm okay at biology. You?"

  
  


"Okay, I'm not particularly good with biology but I'm getting by." Valentina said, and Juliana couldn't help but just stares she took a long lick of the ice cream cone, humming in pleasure. “Okay, this is probably the best ice cream I've ever had.”

 

“it is homemade,” Juliana said, quickly looking away from Valentina and cleaning her throat. “They have been making it for decades.”

 

“She seemed to know you well?” Valentina questioned curiously.

 

“She is a family friend.” it wasn't a lie, but there was more to it and Juliana could tell that Valentina knew that.

 

“Is that all?”

 

Juliana felt herself panic a little, she didn't want to talk about her parents, her shitty home life with her gangster father and absent mother.

 

“Hey,” Valentina tentatively touched her leg, prompting Juliana to look at her, and any anxiety she had been feeling melted away at the sight of soft blue eyes. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked.”

 

“It's stupid, I don't really want to talk about it.” Juliana avoided looking at Valentina, wiping off her hand when Kal finished his treat.

 

“Okay,”

 

“Let's talk about why your date wasn't going well?” Juliana said, a little grin tugging on her lips, and Valentina laughed softly.

 

“It was _nice_ but, I don't know.” Valentina sat up straight suddenly, shuffling closer to Juliana on the bench seat of the car. “It should be more than that, no? Being around someone like that should just feel _right. Safe._ Like, being around them is the easiest thing for you to do.”

 

Juliana just stared at Valentina, the fire and spark in her eyes entirely captivating.

 

“There should be this pull, like there are quantum strings pulling you together and no matter how hard you fight it, how much you tell yourself you don't want it, it is inevitable.” Valentina’s brown twitched into a minute frown. ”It should be something cosmic, you know?”

 

She didn't.

 

She didn't believe in that kind of love or any kind really. She had never really been subjected to it.

 

She was _property_ of her father, the great _el chino’s daughter._ And her mother had never shown her love.

 

The only taste of love she ever got was from Panchito and his family, but she was so messed up by then that she didn't know how to even accept the love they offer.

 

“I don't.” Juliana whispered, lifting her eyes to Valentina, who seemed to understand, nodding her head but her eyes no less intense as she stared down at Juliana.

 

“I think I’ll know when I meet the person I would like to be with.”

 

There was a pause, and Juliana felt her stomach tighten at the look in Valentina's eyes, at the pull she was feeling from her, like every damn cell in her body was magnetised to Valentina and Valentina only.

 

She could kiss her right now, and maybe Valentina wouldn't even mind. She seemed nice enough to let her down easy. To not tell anyone if Juliana begged, because God forbid her parents find out about these thoughts she had been having.

 

Thoughts that didn't _start_ with Valentina but had certainly lingered on her since she had first seen  her when they were thirteen.

 

Thirteen year old her didn't know what those feelings were, but seventeen year old her knows and is actively doing her best to push them away.

 

Before she could make any stupid decisions Kal popped her head up, his nose pressing against Valentina’s cheek, causing both girls to giggle.

 

They sat in the car for a little over an hour just talking. An endless stream of conversation flowing between them, which Juliana didn't think possible, before they got out to walk Kal at a nearby park.

  


They walked slowly, their arms brushing  together, as Kal bounded playfully around the park, illuminated only by the street lights.

 

“How long have you had him?”

 

“I was eight when we got him, he was just a puppy, left tied up outside.”

 

“And you took him in?” Vale asked softly, and Juliana nodded.

 

“I was a lonely kid, my parents figured I could use a companion.” Juliana explained.  “Whenever I'm not in school I'm with him.”

 

“Yeah, I don't think I've ever seen you without him outside of school.” Valentina hummed.

 

“He's just--it's stupid, I know it is, but he has gotten my through a lot.”

 

“It's not stupid.” Valentina disagreed. ”Love comes in all forms, and one look at him and you know he loves you. You are his entire world.”

 

“Sadly enough, he might be mine.” Juliana chuckled awkwardly, and Valentina didn't say anything, but she did lightly brush her knuckles against the back on her hand.

 

Juliana hated how that instantly calmed the panic and anxiety in her chest.

 

Valentina’s phone chimed in her pocket, which it seemed to be doing periodically over the past hour and a half.

 

“You should probably get that,” Juliana said.” It might be important.”

 

Valentina looked like she seriously considered it before fishing her phone from her pocket.

 

“It’s Lucho.” She murmured. “He is pissed I just left.”

 

“We can head back if you would like, I understand that I kind of stole you away from him.”

 

“And I've had more fun with you and Kal than I did with him.” Valentina playfully knocked her shoulder against Juliana’s, and Kal’s head popped out from behind the tree he was hiding behind at the sound of his name. Juliana found herself grinning bushfully down at her feet as she stumbled to the right slightly.

 

“I will just tell him I got a better offer, maybe he will stop with the relentless pursuit,” Valentina began typing away on her phone. “There; Juliana Valdes offered me ice cream, I couldn't pass up on that.”

 

Valentina looked pleased with herself as she hit send, but Juliana could only wonder how she knew her name.

 

“You know my name?”

 

“We have gone to school together since we were thirteen,” Juliana knew that, of course she did, she had been besotted with Valentina since she spotted her for the first time in their shared art class,but she didn't think _Valentina_ had known about her. “You serious think I wouldn't know your name?”

 

“I suppose I didn't think I was important enough.” Juliana said, but started back tracking when Valentina frowned sadly. “No, I don't--that wasn't meant to be a pity party, I'm glad no one really knows who I am, it means I can fly under the radar, for the most part.”

 

“Well, I know who you are.” Valentina said.” I tried to talk to you when we were thirteen but you seemed closed off, and I didn't want to make you uncomfortable.”

 

Juliana remembered, Valentina asking her if she could use some of the paints she had and Juliana panicked, glancing up briefly then sliding the paints over and turning back to her own painting.

 

“You were covered in paint, all over your face and even in your hair, and you were so focused I didn't want to interrupt.” Valentina smiled softly as she thought back. “But I needed the sunshine yellow and you were hogging it all for yourself.”

 

“Other people had some, too.”

 

“I know,” Valentina hummed. “When I asked you for it you looked like I had asked you for your spleen, then you just shoved it at me. I figured you didn't want to talk to me so I just left it at that. You were cute though,” Valentina laughed, stopping and waiting for Juliana to stop and turn to her before stepping closer, running the pad of her thumb across the skin on her cheekbone. ”You had this smear of deep red right here, it really made you eyes look pretty.”

 

Juliana could feel her heart rate spike, and it took ever piece of self restraint _not_ to just push Valentina away. “You remember that day?” she questioned in almost a whisper.

 

“Of course,” Valentina nodded. “It was your first day.”

 

Juliana had so many questions. Did she remember _because_ it was her first day? Why did she ask Juliana instead of people she had already been to school was for a year and a half? Why was she looked at her _like that?_

 

Before she could ask any of those questions, or worse, _kiss her,_ Kal came barreling into her, sending her flying against Valentina, who was quick to place her hands on her hips to prevent her from falling.

 

“Kal!” Juliana scolded, glaring at the dog who was sitting just to her left, tail wagging and tongue hanging out. He didn't look the least bit sorry, if Juliana didn't know any better she would say he knew up he was doing behind those dopey eyes.

 

“I don't think he is sorry.” Valentina commented, and Juliana turned her face to her just as Valentina turned to face her, their noses knocking together, causing them both to jerk their heads back, and Juliana to quickly step away.

 

Valentina laughed softly, and Juliana forced out a laugh. “Sorry, he gets excited, or maybe jealous? I'm not really sure _what_ that was.” she glared at Kal, who just looked her square in the eye as he scratches behind his ear.

 

“Well, I promise I won't steal her away from you, Kal.” Valentina promised, turning back to Juliana with a crooked little grin. “She is the one who steals me away.”

 

Juliana huffed, rolling her eyes. “I didn't know you were on a date.” Juliana defended, shrugging her shoulder and turning away to walk back toward the car. “Besides, I think I done you a favour. Lucho?” she scoffed. “I have much nicer hair.”

 

She heard Valentina laugh loudly from behind her, and Juliana couldn't stop the feeling of pride that bloomed in her chest at the fact she was the one who prompted it. But then it faltered when she felt fingers gently run through the back of her hair.

 

“You certainly do,”

 

“Can I take you home, or back to your car?”

 

“Please, Lucho picked me up.”

 

Juliana nodded, whistling to get Kal’s attention. “Home time,”

 

Kal thundered past them.

 

Valentina asked Juliana questioned about the homework on the drive back to her place, Juliana’s car stuttering to a stop outside the large house, three different sports cars viable through the large gate.

 

Juliana knew she was rich but she didn't think she was _this_ rich. “Wow,”

 

“Do you want to come in?”

 

“No, thank you.” Juliana answered immediately, intimidated but the sheer size of the house in front of her. “I need to get home.”

 

“Oh,” Valentina looked disappointed, and Juliana almost changed her mind. “Okay, well, thank you for a nice time.”

 

Juliana almost jerked away when Valentina shuffled closer and pulled her in for a hug.

 

She went rigid.

 

“I'm not going to hurt you.” Valentina whispered against her ear, and Jiana felt it shot down her spine.

 

She forced herself to relax, and Valentina laughed softly.

“Goodnight, Juliana.” Valentina planted a kiss on her cheek, causing her face to heat up, right to the tip of her ears.

 

“Goodnight, Valentina.” she murmured. 

 

-

 

Juliana hadn't expected anything to come of that night.

 

It was nice, and maybe Juliana stumbled a little bit in love with Valentina, but she thought that it would just be a blip. Something that she would remember fondly but never have anything come from it.

 

She was wrong.

 

She was hiding away the following day at lunch, like she always did, perched on the edge of the stage in the auditorium when someone sat down beside her, snapping her out of her little daze.

 

“You are a tough girl to find, miss Valdes.”

 

“Maybe I didn't want to be found,” Juliana said, arching her eyebrows challengingly at Valentina as she took a bite of her sandwich.

 

“I thought you might say that,” Valentina hummed, and Juliana wasn't sure if she should be offended or not. “So I have a peace offering.”

 

She grinned widely as she held up two bags with doughnuts inside.

 

“What do you say? Can I keep you company?”

 

“Pastries? Oh, that's low, even for you.”

 

“Knew you'd be a pastry girl.” Valentina looked pleased with herself as she handed the bag to Juliana before unwrapping her own doughnut. “Is this why I never see you around at lunch? Do you always hide in here?”

 

“Not anymore, I've been found.”

 

Valentina rolled her eyes.

 

“Why are you here?” Juliana asked quietly after a few minutes.

 

“I had a lot of fun last night.” Valentina said, and Juliana immediately regretted looking up when she noticed Valentina looking at her with soft eyes. “I wanted to see you again.”

 

“You did?” Juliana frowned. “Why? I can't bring Kal to school.”

 

Valentina laughed, nodding her head as she looked down at her doughnut, picking at it.

 

“Yes, I know. I just-” Valentina dragged her eyes up to hers, but there was something different, something suffocating glinting there. “I've never had fun with someone else like I did with you last night. It was so easy just being with you, I wanted to feel that again.”

 

“Okay,” Juliana whispered because, really, what else was she supposed to say to that.

 

“Okay,” Valentina repeated.

 

“Was Lucho mad?”

 

“Nah, not really.”

 

He was.

 

Maybe not with Valentina but certainly with Juliana.

 

“Are you Juliana?” he asked later that day while Juliana was at her locker.

 

“Why?”

 

“Because _you_ ruined my date last night.” he said, his voice dripping dangerously as he stepped closer. “You stay away from Val, understand, she doesn't need _your kind_ sniffing around.”

 

Juliana worked her jaw, stopping herself from just punching him because she didn't wasn't to perpetuate the rumors.

 

“You're only at this school because people are afraid of your father, so don't start trying to hang out with people like Val, they are above you.” Lucho grinned, taking a step back and holding out his arms. “Maybe stick to that four legged friend of yours, hm?”

 

Juliana knew everything he was saying was right, and it was the main reason she didn't make an effort with anyone in the school. It still stung to hear it, though.

 

Valentina tried to catch up with her after school, calling for her through the crowd but Juliana quickly got to her car and drove home.

 

She found a different spot the following down, still in the auditorium, but on the catwalk.

 

She spotted Valentina when she entered the following day, keeping quiet and watching as Valentina glanced around before sighed and running her hands through her hair.

 

She managed to avoid Valentina for three days, (and every lunch period Valentina would show up at the auditorium) before Valentina got ahold of her.

 

It was out of school, and Juliana was in a coffee shop because her father was drunk and shouting and her mother was in bed all day.

 

She had her head in her hands when Valentina sat down across from her. “I was going to make a joke about avoiding me but you look like you've had a tough day.”

 

“Try tough year,” Juliana grumbled, looking over at Valentina, who was crouched down to pet Kal. “Why are you trying so hard here, Valentina?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Lucho was right, you are way above me, why are you trying to be my friend.”

 

“No scenario that starts with ‘Lucho was right’ could end well.” Valentina Joked. “But he is wrong, I'm not above you in anyways.”

 

“You are rich, beautiful, smart, sweet, you are so far above me.”

 

“Who cares if I have money?” Valentina sighed. ”I am fed up of that crowed, I want something real.” she stressed. “ _You_ are real to me, Juliana.”

 

“I can't-”

 

“I have wanted to be your friend since the very beginning.” Valentina admitted. “That's why I asked you for the paint, I wanted your attention.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I don't know, you were the fascinating new girl. Who then became the quiet, broody new girl. Then the new girl who took her dog everywhere. Then the sweet new girl when I saw how you were with that little girl in the park one time. That one sounded creepy but I'm not stalking you, I swear.” Valentina held up her hand and Juliana huffed out a laugh. “I have always felt drawn to you.”

 

Juliana was overwhelmed, and Valentina seemed to notice because she quickly changed the subject.

 

“Coffee?”

 

“Sure,” Juliana smiled, finally breathing properly again when Valentina got up to get their drinks.

 

Juliana watched her standing in line, her chin on her hand, somewhat dazed until Kal put his chin on her lap.

 

She looked down at him, feeling almost judged under the dog's gaze.

 

“Oh, shut up. It's not like that,” Juliana grumbled, scratching the spot between his ears.

 

Valentina sat the drinks down before sliding into the seat across from her again. “Do you want to talk about it?”

 

Juliana’s first instinct was to say no, to keep it all inside like she always had, but then she looked up and Valentina was looking at her with such caring eyes that she found herself wanting to talk.

 

“It is just family stuff.” Juliana shrugged, running her finger around the rim of her coffee.

 

“I get that,”

 

Juliana frowned, she had seen coverage of Valentina’s family, with her businessman dad and lawyer sister, there were respectable, the dream family.

 

Whereas her father was a gang banging drug dealer and her mother was a product of that environment. He was violent and horrible and her mother was detached and emotionless.

Juliana could accept the detached attitude and the lack of love but the standing by while her father drunkenly yelled at her, before backhanding her and sending her to her room? That she couldn't excuse.”Really?”

 

“Since my mom died, my family hasn't exactly been the closets. My dad never leaves the office, my sister is always at work, my brother it running away and I'm just kind of stuck in the middle of it all.” Valentina said. “You just kind of get lost in the drama of everything.”

 

“How are you hold up, with your mother?”

 

“Better now,” Valentina hummed. “But the only person I have had to talk about it with was the therapist my family have sent me to because none of them want to even mention her name. It is like she never existed.”

 

Juliana found herself reaching across the table to place her hand over Valentina’s that was clutching too tightly on her coffee mug. “Tell me about her?”

 

The pain in Valentina’s eyes seemed to melt away ever so slightly, and the corner of her lips hooked up into a little smile. “You don't have to sit here and listen.”

 

“Maybe talking to you will distract me from the day I've had.” Juliana said with a little smile, giving Valentina's hand a little squeeze. “Come on, tell me about her.”

 

“Okay,” Valentina’s tongue poked out between her teeth while she thought about her next words. “My first memory of my mother wasn't a great one. She was sick, really sick, and I remember climbing into bed beside her and she was so _grey_ but then she sang me to sleep, she sounded so weak but at the time I didn't realise just how bad it was, how close she was to dying because she was my mami, you know? She was my superhero, the strongest person I knew, to me she couldn't die.”

 

Juliana waiting for Valentina to continue, her thumb gently rubbing her knuckles.

 

“That was cancer, too, but she got better. She had to shave her head toward the end of her treatment but she was still the most beautiful women I'd ever seen. And even sick, she made it to almost all of my dance recitals and she would sing me to sleep every night. Every Christmas, even though my dad didn't understand it, she would take me and my siblings to a shelter on Christmas morning to help people who didn't have the means or the family to celebrate the holiday. She was everything good in a person, if I end up half the person she was then I will be more than happy.”

 

“I'm not at all surprised that that was the kind of woman she was,” Juliana breathed, and she knew she was just starting over at Valentina, her eyes probably giving away everything she had ever felt for her.

 

“Why?”

 

“Well, she raised you, and I think if anything shows a person's character it is the children they raise.”

 

Valentina smiled, ducking her head and using her free hand to tuck her hair behind her ear. “I want to be like her, it want her compassion and empathy. I know my sister wants to be like my father, and my brother is just having a terrible time right now but the thing that keeps me going is wanting to make her proud.” Valentina said. “She told me after the first Christmas that is was just the two of us at the shelter that if I could help someone then I should, I am morally obliged to help people with the good fortune I am lucky enough to have. And I believe that, that is a philosophy I wish to live by.”

 

Juliana felt herself melt at those words.

 

“What?” Valentina asked, her lips hooking up into a little smile. “What is that look?”

 

“I just never expected you to be like this.”

 

“What did you expect? That I would be one of those mean rich kids?”

 

“No I just-” Juliana rolled her eyes. “Maybe,” she admitted sheepishly. “Maybe not mean, but I expected you to be a little more… Stuck up.”

 

Juliana smiled sheepishly at Valentina, prompting the girl to laugh.

 

“And what do you think now?”

 

“That I've never been more wrong.”

 

Valentina’s smile slackened, and there was a glint in her eye. “What about you? You are the one who is upset.”

 

“I don't- I'm sorry, I don't really want to talk about that.”

 

“That's okay,” Valentina smiled sweetly at her, turning Juliana’s hand over, placing one of her hands flat against the back of hers, tickling her palm with her other. “But if _and when_ you want to, I wouldn't mind listening.”

 

“Thank you,”

 

Valentina nodded, slapping her palm against Juliana's. “Now, was it because of what Lucho said that you've been avoiding me?"

 

“I haven't been-” Juliana tried to lie, but Valentina’s arched eyebrows stopped her. “Yes, he _was_ mad, just not with _you.”_

 

“With you?” Valentina frowned when she nodded. ”Why?”

 

“Because he got the chance to go on a date with you and I stole you away, I would be mad, too.”

 

That made Valentina smile, her eyes flickering over her face.

 

“And now I'm here again, with you.” Valentina said. “I much prefer your company.”

 

“Your company isn't too bad, either.”

 

“That's almost a compliment.” Valentina teased. “What did he say?”

 

“Nothing really,” Juliana waved her hand dismissively.

 

“But it was enough to avoid me?”

 

“I mean, he wasn't wrong, you guys are in a completely different circle, I just didn't understand why you kept trying to be my friend.”

 

“I told you why, I need real, not fake rich kids.”

 

“So, you are friends with me because I'm poor?” Juliana grinned cheekily at Valentina.

 

“I'm friends with you because being around you feels _right.”_ Valentina said. “And I don't know about you, but I've never had that before. Am I the only who felt it?”

 

She wasn't, Juliana had felt the almost instantaneous feeling of comfort being around Valentina. The pull to just be near her, but she figured that it was just the crush she had on Valentina.

 

“No, you aren't. I understand what you mean.”

 

“Then why are you so reserved about this, about us being friends?”

 

“Because the only friend I've ever had is furry and has four legs.” Juliana laughed.

 

“Well, maybe it's about time you had a friend who understands what you're saying.”

 

Juliana rolled her eyes. “He understands.”

 

“Come on, give having an actual human friend a try.” Valentina released her hand and held one out at Juliana, wiggling her fingers.  “I will give you my number.”

 

Juliana unsurely placed her phone in Valentina’s hand. This was a slippery slope, the last thing she needed was to be friends with the girl she has had a crush on since she was a kid. It was going to get messy, she knew that, becoming friends with Valentina would be hard and messy.

 

But Valentina’s tongue was peaking cutely out from between her teeth as she typed in her number, and Juliana couldn't bring herself to care.

 

 _“_ I have texted myself your number.”

 

Juliana nodded, pocketing her phone. “I should get going.”

 

Valentina quickly placed her hand over Juliana’s. “One more.” she pouted and, really, was she supposed to say _no_ to a pouting Valentina?

 

One more turned into another, then a walk in the park, then stargazing in the park when it got dark.

 

Valentina was close, leaning into her as she pointed out structures in the sky, and Juliana really wished she could say she learned something, but she just found herself starling dumbly over at her, an equally dumb smile on her face.

 

She had a text waiting for her when she pulled up outside her house later that night.

 

**Val [21:52]: I had fun tonight. Thank you, and I'm sorry about lucho**

 

_Juls[22:08]: I did too. Thank you I really needed it. That's okay, it wasn't your fault._

  


Juliana braced herself, praying for the house to be silent.

 

She creeped inside, and it was pitch black, totally silent save for her father's snoring from the living room.

 

She creeped upstairs, grabbing Kal’s bowl from the corner of her room and serving out his food.

 

Kal huffed.

 

“I know it's late, shut up.”

 

She fell back onto her bed, a grin pulling on her lips when she noticed Valentina had texted back.

 

 **Val[22:10]: I've never had someone so interested when I talk of the stars. It was nice**.

 

Juliana felt bad that she didn't take any of it in.

 

_Juls [22:12]: we should do it again, it was very interesting._

 

**Val [22:14]: perfect. Tomorrow night, I will pick you up. Wear something warm, I know the perfect place.**

 

_Juls [22:16]: so soon?_

 

**Val [22:17]: if that's okay?**

 

_Juls [22:18]: of course, yeah. See you tomorrow :)_

_[22:18]: goodnight, Valentina_

 

**Val [22:19]: goodnight, Juliana <3**

 

Juliana felt her chest flutter at the heart, hugging her phone to her chest as she squealed quietly.

 

Kal hopped up then, settling on the pillow beside her with a huff.

 

“I like her a lot, buddy.” Juliana admitted, scratching behind the dog's ear. “But Lucho was right, she is so much better than I am.”

 

Kal grumbled and licked her face.

 

“You're breath is gross."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think?  
> Tumblr; thatoneloser-kid.tumblr.com

Valentina texted her a few minutes before seven.

 

**Val [18:56]: ready when you and kal are**

 

Juliana glanced into the living room from the kitchen, where her father was slouched on the sofa, beer dangling from his fingers as he watched tv.

 

She stood quietly, nudging her head toward the back door when Kal looked up at her.

 

Kal was just as quiet as she was as they left the house, both rounding the side of the house and walking briskly to Valentina’s car.

 

Kal stopped when he noticed Valentina leaning against her black maserati ghibli, her arms tucked into the pockets of her leather jacket that was probably worth more that Juliana’s car.

 

A slow, wide smile spread across Valentina’s lips when she noticed them, and Kal’s head tilted back to look at Juliana, tongue flying all over the place.

 

“Go on then.”

 

Kal took off, thundering toward Valentina, who crouched waiting for him to right her, her arms open wide. And Kal flew against her, almost sending her backward into her car, his head pressing against her chest as she scratched his back.

 

“At least someone is happy to see me,” Valentina teased when Juliana walked over to them.

 

Juliana rolled her eyes. “Hey, Valentina.”

 

“Hi, Juliana.” Valentina straightened, wrapping one arm around Juliana’s neck and pulling her in for a one armed hug.

 

“Are you sure it is okay for Kal to be in that nice car?”

 

“Of course, we can't have you without him, that just wouldn't be right.”

 

“Is it as sad as it sounds that I'm known as the girl who takes her dog everywhere?” Juliana laughed.

 

“I think it is sweet.” Valentina assured, opening the door to the back seat and motioned inside.

 

Kal looked up at Juliana, who nodded softly. “Go,”

 

Kal happily bounced into the back seat, Valentina closing the door behind him and leaning against it. “You trained him?”

 

“Yeah, but he has always been very well behaved.”

 

“Still, I have never seen a dog of obedient.”

 

“Well, thank you.”

 

Valentina nodded once, a little smile. On her lips as she opened the passenger side door. “You look nice.”

 

Juliana frowned, glancing down at herself, dressed in a pair of old, discoloured black sweatpants and a grey hoodie. Something she considered comfortable, whereas Valentina was in a pair of figure hugging jeans and a bagging white t-shirt with a leather jacket over top.

 

Valentine’s comfortable was leagues above Juliana’s dressing up.

 

“You said comfortable.”

 

“This is my comfortable.”

 

Juliana slid into the seat, noting the heat radiating from it instantly.

 

“Are we going far?” Juliana asked as Valentina peeled away from the sidewalk.

 

“A little bit out of the city.” Valentina answered, scratching the underside of Kal’s chin when her peeked his head through the middle.

 

Valentina asked her about her day on the drive, looking genuinely interested in what she had to say, even though she had done very little that day, just walk Kal and get some homework done.

 

They pulled up in a field twenty minutes out of town, and Juliana hated that the first thought she had was hat this would be a good place for her father to do his work.

 

Valentina bounced out of the car and round the back while Juliana let Kal out.

 

"Let's get comfortable." Valentina held uptake blanket before spreading it out on the grass and taking a seat.  

 

Juliana took a seat, just barely able to see Kal rolling around in the darkness.

 

"You can see Venus and Mars," Valentina said.

 

"Yeah?"

 

Valentina hummed, pointing up. "You see that one and that one, they aren't twinkling?"

 

Juliana couldn't, and he told her as much.

 

She instantly regretted that, because Valentina shuffled right against her, leaning into her as she pointed from Juliana's point of view. "Those two?"

 

Juliana swallowed, ignoring how Valentina smelled like apples and something flowery, trying to spot the points of light in the sky but her eyes strayed to the woman beside her.

 

her face was illuminated by the half moon, the angles and lines of her face looking even more sharp.

 

She found herself just staring until Valentina nudged her.

 

"Hm?" She quickly returned her eyes to the sky.

 

"Do you see them?"

 

"Yes," And she did this time. 

 

"Left is Mars, right is Venus. And those one there." Valentina pointed to a cluster of stars. "Make up the Hercules constellation, and the one below it is Draco, and below that is Ursa minor."

 

Juliana followed Valentina's finger as her traced out the constellations.

 

"How do you know all of this?" Juliana whispered, turning to look at Valentina.

 

"My mom," She answered, turning her head and, god, there were so close, but Juliana couldn't bring herself to look away, just staring over into Valentina's moonlit eyes. "She loved this stuff, and she tried to teach us but my siblings weren't really interested but I just find it all fascinating. She did always say I had my head in the clouds, that I was the dreamer of the family, maybe that's why."

 

Juliana's lips hooked up into a soft smile. "What else do you know?"

 

Valentina seemed to light up, and began rhyming off stars and constellations Juliana had never heard of. 

 

And Juliana gave her full attention, but she couldn't seem to take any of it in, not while Valentina was this close and talking this passionately about something.

 

After the star talk they both settled into a comfortable silence, both in their back, Juliana's hands folded on her stomach while Valentina tickled her forearm lightly.

 

“Do you know who my father is?” Juliana whispered after a long while, and she felt Valentina look over at her but she couldn't tear her eyes away from the sky, too afraid of what she might see.

 

“Yeah,” Valentina hummed softly. “I think everyone does.”

 

Juliana swallowed, her eyebrows twitching into a frown. “And you still want to be friends?”

 

“Juls,” Valentina sighed, turning onto her side, tentatively touching Juliana’s cheek when she didn't look at her. Juliana closed her eyes, bracing herself before turning her eyes to Valentina.

 

She wasn't really sure what she expected to see when she looked at Valentina; disgust, disappointment, _fear._

What she didn't expect was the soft look in her eyes, and the way her lips were hooked up into a little smile. She seemed to sense Juliana’s anxiety before she calmingly tickled Juliana’s cheek. “You aren't your father, Juls.”

 

“But he _is_ my father, and people are afraid of him.” Juliana sighed. “And it’s only a matter of time before you are too, before you find something out about him and leave, _that's_ why I was so afraid of this.”

 

“You mean like him taking out a hit on a family in Puebla?”

 

Juliana felt her stomach tighten, thinking of that family, how afraid the two kids must have been before one of her father henchmen murdered them while their parents watched.

 

“I know what he does, I know what he is capable of. _You_ are not him, you don't have a bad bone in your body.”

 

“He hurts people, and my mom lets it happen.”

 

Something flared in Valentina’s eyes. “Does he hurt you?”

 

“Not so much now.”

 

“But he did,”

 

“When I was a child, but now that I'm older he just ignores me for the most part, sometimes he yells but he doesn’t hurt me.”

 

“I'm sorry, Juliana.” Valentina sighed, resting her palm against her cheek, and Juliana found herself leaning into the touch.

 

“Don't be, I'm okay.”

 

“You're not, you push people away. What he does, it’s not okay.”

 

“I know it’s not, and I know I can't get away from him, I'm his, if I did try her would find me.” Juliana said.  “But I'm going to try, when I'm old enough I'm gone, I don't know where, but I'm packing up our things and going.”

 

“What about your mother?”

 

Juliana laughed humorlessly. “She is a shell of a person, a lamb to my father. She never protected me from anything that happened.” Juliana swallowed thickly. “On my seventh birthday I watched my dad put a bullet in the head of a man who couldn't give them the last one hundred pesos he owed. He was begging for his life, on his knees beside my swing set, and I offered to pay, I offered my pocket money and my father hit me when came up alongside him and tugged on his shirt.” Juliana took the hand that was on her cheek and ran Valentina’s pointer finger over the scar under her eye. “His ring nicked me, and scarred, then he shot the man. He was looking at me when it happened, and he looked grateful that I had tried to help, but he also pitied me, I think.”

 

She knew she was crying, but it didn't register with her until Valentina used her knuckle to catch the tears.

 

“That's horrible.”

 

“It is scary, _I'm_ afraid, so I don't know why you aren't.”

 

“Why should I be? Will he hurt me?”

 

“No, I wouldn't let him, it's just-  I'm afraid of who I am, after everything.” Juliana admitted.

 

“I think you are a lovely woman who had a bad start. But you're _good,_ Juliana. You are not your parents.”

 

Juliana sniffed, nodding, forcing out a laugh and wiping at her eyes. “Sorry.”

 

“Don’t be,” Valentina assured, planting a lingering kiss on her forehead. “I'm here for you.”

 

Juliana let her eyes flutter closed, taking comfort in someone that wasn't fluffy and drooled all over her for the first time in a long time, maybe ever.

 

“You're safe here, with me.”

 

Juliana believed her, she _felt_ safe with Valentina.

 

Valentina settled back against the blanket, taking ahold of Juliana’s hand, keeping it linked between them.

 

“Are you going to college?”

 

“My father thinks it is pointless and my mother doesn't think on her own.” Juliana said, turning her head to the side to look at Valentina. “I am going to try for a scholarship, but they won't pay.”

 

“I can help.” Valentina offered.

 

“I don't want your money, Val.”

 

“No, I mean looking for scholarships, finding what fits your area of study.” Valentina said. “We can go to my place, have a look when online.”

 

“Oh, I don't-”

 

“No one is ever home,” Valentina assured. “I saw how you looked at the house yesterday, like you were terrified at the idea of having to set foot inside.”

 

“I'm not like you and your friends, Val.”

 

“I think that's a good thing.”

 

“Your dad will know who my father is.”

 

“I haven't seen my father in a week.” Valentina shot back. “It isn't going to go how you think. We will go to my bedroom, no one will bother us.”

 

Juliana nodded. “Not tonight, though.”

 

“Whenever you're ready.” Valentina hummed.

 

Juliana startled when Kal came running over, attacking her face with licks, probably having had enough of being ignored.

 

“Kal,” Juliana scolded through a laugh, trying to push the dog away but he didn't relent, which only made Juliana laugh harder, pushing herself up and Kal into his back, hiding her face in the thick fur on his neck and growled playfully, which Kal mirrors, his legs pulled up in a submissive position, his tongue hanging out and his tail thumping off the grass.

 

“I think he can tell when you're upset.” Valentina commented, and Juliana looked over to see her now lying on her front, watching them fondly as she pulled blades of grass out.

 

“I think he was just done with not being the centre of attention.” Juliana scratched at Kal’s tummy, making his leg kick in rhythm. “Such a diva.”

 

“I wonder where he gets that from.”

 

Juliana rolled her eyes, sitting cross-legged beside Valentina.

 

“Are you hungry?” Valentina asked, resting her cheek against Juliana’s knee.

 

“I could eat,” Juliana hummed, and she found herself raking her hand through Valentina’s hair to get rid of the grass that was there.

 

Valentina hummed and closed her eyes at the sensation. “We should go get dinner.”

 

“Do you know any places that are dog friendly?” Juliana whispered, afraid that if she spoke too loudly Valentina would open her eyes and she would lose her chance to just stare at her without any repossessions.

 

“I do, I looked up some places last night.”

 

For whatever reason, Juliana felt touched at that, at the thought behind the gesture.

 

“Okay,”

 

They ended up in a little diner, Kal under the table as they shared a milkshake and ate pancakes, both tucked right into the corner of one of the booths.

 

“So, if things didn't feel right with Lucho why did you agree to go out with him?” Juliana asked, because they had both went in to drink the milkshake at the same time and she couldn't pull away, that would look weird, so now she was stuck with her face too close to Valentina’s and needed an excuse to back off.

 

“He had been hounding me for months, and my family have been on my back about dating because my never having a boyfriend makes me look undesirable to the readers of whatever trashy magazine we're in.” Valentina rolled her eyes. “I suppose I just figured it would be easier to agree, to please everyone else.”

 

“That's… insane.”

 

“I know, I shouldn't live to please everyone else but I needed a break.”

 

“No, not that part.” Juliana stopped, thoughtful, then nodded. “Well, also that part, but I mean the undesirable part.”

 

“They are always making comments about my lack of a love life, like I'm not just trying to get through high school.” Valentina rolled her eyes, and Juliana watched her carefully. “What?”

 

“You have got to be the most desirable girl I've ever met, I know _at least_ half of that school want to date you.”

 

“That's not true.”

 

“It is,” Juliana disagreed. “You're beautiful, sweet, funny, and you have a lot of money." Juliana grinned crookedly. “You don't notice but I've _seen_ how people look at you.”

 

Valentina didn't look convinced but she didn't say anything more, just shaking her head. “According to these magazine I am nothing if I don't have a man on you arm.”

 

“That's dumb,” Juliana murmured and Valentina hummed.

 

“Yeah, those magazines are dumb.”

 

“I don't know if you believe me or not,” Juliana started, biting the inside of her cheek as Valentina frowned questioningly at her. “You are beautiful.”

 

Valentina smiled softly at her, reaching up to tuck some hair behind her ear. “As are you, Juliana.”

 

And Juliana just melted, between the soft look in Valentina’s eyes to the way her fingertips traced the shell of her ear, she was completely and utterly gone.

 

“I should be going soon,” Juliana said, forcing herself to quickly look away. ”I have homework.”

 

“It's Saturday, that's a Sunday problem.”

 

“That and I'm sure you have friends you want to spend your Saturday night with.”

 

“Yeah,” Valentina hummed. “you and Kal.”

 

“You know what I mean.”

 

“Stop,” Valentina sighed, shuffling as close to Juliana as possible, one hand on the back of the bench behind her and the other drawing circles on her hand. “Stop that. I'm here, I'm having fun, I don't even want to go home at this point. Could we just stay here forever?”

 

“And live on pancakes and milkshakes?” Juliana laughed.

 

“Yeah,” Valentina was grinning in that playful way, a mischievous glint in her eyes. “We could do it. There is a bathroom here, and running water, we would be fine.”

 

Juliana smiled down at her food, because the idea of this sounded _nice._ Well, anything out of the house she lives in now sounds nice if she was to be honest.

 

“Why did you chose this place?”

 

“It's dog friendly and out of the city,” Valentina shrugged. “I'm over that place, and the people there, I get away as much as I can.”

 

If anyone could understand that it was Juliana.

 

Valentina drove her home not long after that, Juliana eyeing her house as they pulled up, her father's car was gone and the place was in darkness.

 

“How do you deal with it?” Valentina asked after turning the car off, and Juliana knew exactly what she was talking about.

 

“I don't.”

 

“You're alive, after everything you are still functioning.”

 

“Mostly out of spite.” Juliana murmured.  “I wanna see him put in a grave.”

 

Valentina turned to look at her, but Juliana didn't pull her eyes from the street light in front if them, she couldn't.

 

“Can I see you tomorrow?” Valentina asked in a quiet voice.

 

Juliana chewed on the inside of her cheek, every since cell in her body begging her to say yes.

 

“I have homework to catch up on.”

 

“So let's go get coffee, we can do homework together.” Juliana turned to Valentina then, and she really wish she hadn't, because she was met with pleading blue eyes, and was she just supposed to say no to that? “Please, I will even let you copy my biology homework.”

 

Juliana rolled her eyes fondly at Valentina’s playfulness, her heart stuttering when Valentina huffed out a laugh. “Okay, we can do homework together, and _only_ homework. Because I am really behind.”

 

“Promise,” Valentina held her hands up in defense, but the cheeky smile and glint in her eye told her that she had no intentions if keeping that promise.

 

Juliana smiled, her eyes dropping to her hands. “Thank you, Valentina.”

 

“For what?”

 

“Today, yesterday.” Juliana lifted her eyes, feeling a little vulnerable under Valentina's intense gaze. “This.”

 

Valentina sunk her teeth into her bottom lip as she smiled. “You do not have to thank me, I am having fun too, you know?”

 

Juliana felt her lips lift into a smile, feeling almost bashful as she peered at Valentina through her eyelashes.

 

“I should go before my father gets home.”

 

There was a flicker of something in Valentina’s eyes. “Text me later.”

 

“I will,” she promised, sliding out of the car and opening the back door for Kal to bounce out, shaking out his fur.

 

“Goodnight, Juls.” Valentina said, her arm resting on the open window of the car, her chin resting on her arm as she happily scratched at Kal’s head. But she was looking up at Juliana, her entire face soft and Juliana didn't really know what to do with herself, not under _that_ look.

 

“Goodnight, Val.” she said, giving Kal’s butt a playful little slap. “Come on, buddy, let's go get you some food.”

 

Juliana waved at her as she walked up the path, Kal trotting happily along beside her.

 

The house was silent when she got inside, and she knew her father was out but her mother was most certainly in, and probably in bed.

 

She prepared Kal’s food, dry food with hot water in to soften it slightly and give it some heat.

 

She left it to cool and started making dinner for her mother, reheating the chicken curry they had had the previous night.

 

Her mother's room was dark but she could see the shadow of her body under the covers when the light streams through from the hallway.

 

“Mami, I have food.” Juliana whispered, barely receiving a grunt in response. “I will leave it on the dresser.”

 

She closed the door behind her, everything in her wanting to go back inside and get her mother out of bed, to get her help, but the petty part of her, the part that was so angry at her mother for letting her father hurt her, stopped her.

 

She settled on her, Kal eating on the floor beside her.

 

She finally pulled out her phone, grinning when she spotted Valentina’s name.

 

**Val [22:12]: I had a lot of fun tonight**

Juliana clutched her phone to her chest and closed her eyes and taking a breath, a quiet little squeal escaping her lips.

 

That got Kal’s attention, the dog hopping up onto the bed and settling beside her, resting his chin on her stomach.

 

_Juls [22:13]: i did too_

She eventually fell asleep just after twelve after texting back and forth with Valentina.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Valim, who commented 'It’s so fluffffyyyy I’m gonna dieeee!!' I apologise in advance.
> 
> Thank you all for the commented, I love hearing what you think of the fic
> 
> Tumblr: thatoneloser-kid.tumblr.com

**Val [06:39]: miss you**

It was such a simple text messaged, but waking up to it made the idea of going to that school and dealing with all of the rich losers who now seemed to know who she was that much easier.

She had a spring in her step as she headed to her car, the house empty for once, with her mother and father in Monterrey for the week.

 

The previous day had been surprisingly productive.

 

They settled in a booth, both hunched over their books as they drank coffee.

 

Juliana helped Valentina with biology and Valentina helped Juliana with math.

 

(“How are you so good at this?” Juliana asked.

 

“I used to help my father with the books, I enjoy numbers, they're easy.”

 

Juliana massively disagreed.)

 

Valentina only tried to distract her a few times, either playing with her hair and trailing off whatever she was saying when Juliana looked up at her, her mouth open and her eyes almost glazing over.

 

Something akin to hope flared in her chest at those looks, but she pushed that way, _way_ down.

 

After studying they went for a walk in the park before Valentina gave her a tight hug and they headed their separate ways.

 

Juliana had went home with the warmth of something she can't remember ever feeling settling in her chest.

 

She had just set foot inside the school building when she felt an arm link through her own, and on instinct she tensed up.

 

“Study tonight?” Valentina asked, and Juliana relaxed.

 

“Sure.” Juliana hummed thoughtfully. She almost suggested her place, but the idea of her parents coming home early and seeing Valentina scared her. The idea of her father knowing who Valentina was scared her. “Coffee shop again?”

 

“I don't suppose you'd want to come over if I asked?” Juliana’s eyes dropped to her feet, and Valentina gave her arm a little squeeze. “Coffee shop it is.”

 

There was whispers around school, about Valentina and how she was hanging around with a gang bangers daughter, how she ditched Lucho to spend time with her.

 

Juliana felt more than a little overwhelmed but Valentina didn't seem phased. They spend most of their time together during and after school, ignoring the looks and whispers.

 

No one said anything to Juliana's face, they aren't all under the impression that her father loved her and would hurt anyone who even looked at her the wrong way.

 

(she was late one day and rushed into biology mid way through class, her hair quickly pulled up and she had just pulled whenever she could find out.

 

After being seated for about ten minutes Valentina leaned back in her seat and sliding a piece of paper onto her desk.

 

Juliana frowned but unfolded it.

 

_You look really nice_

She hated how four simple words made her blush so hard)

 

Her parents got back on the Friday night, her mother going straight to her room and her father looking all to pleased with himself as he sat down beside her with a beer.

 

“What have you been up to, kiddo?”

 

“Not a lot, papi,” she answered without looking away from the TV. “School work, mostly.”

 

He made a grunt of only mild interest.

 

She knew he was happy with himself, which meant he would drink more than usual, which meant he would get nasty soon, so Juliana excused herself not long after that, going to find her mother in her room.

 

She sat on the bed beside her, watching whatever show her mother had on, but not really taking any of it in.

 

“What did he do?”

 

“Nothing,” Her mother answered.

 

“Don't lie to me, he is too happy.” Juliana shot back. “What did he do, mami?”

 

“You don't belong in this world, so I won't tell you about it.”

 

“You had no issue with those daddy daughter work days, so don't try and protect me now.” Juliana spat.

 

“That was not my choice, but this is, and I will not discuss his work.”

 

Juliana sighed, shaking her head as she stood and headed to her room, Kal waiting for her by the door.

 

She spent the rest of the night reading, only heading downstairs when she started to get hungry.

 

Her father was drunk by then, seven empty bottles at his feet and a suspicious white powder on the table.

 

Juliana was as quiet as she could be, even Kal seemed to be tip-toeing beside her.

 

She was being well, but then she dipped down to get the pasta sauce from the cupboard, but it slipped down her fingers when she straightened. She tensed up and waited for the loud shatter of the glass.

 

“What the fuck was that?”

 

Juliana felt herself panic as she kneeled beside the glass to clean it up, looking Kal in the eyes and warning him to stay when she heard her father thunder toward the kitchen.

 

“What did you do, girl?”

 

“I dropped the glass, but I'm just cleaning it up, papi.” Juliana answered quickly.

 

“You can't just waste food, Juliana.”

 

“I told you it was an accident.” Juliana snapped, instantly regretting her tone. “I'm sorry, papi, I-”

 

“Shut up.” he growled, moving forward. “Do you think you can talk to me like that, after everything I've done for you?”

 

Juliana snorted at that, which only made his angrier, his first clenched.

 

It all happened so quickly, her father was coming at her, she was sure with the intention of hurting her, then there was a snarl from Kal, something she had never heard from him before, deep and feral, and her father swung his foot back, a loud yelp escaping Kal’s throat at the contact.

 

“I want that fucking thing gone.” her father growled, turning and leaving.

 

Juliana rushed to the dogs side, as he struggled to stand.

 

“I'm sorry, buddy.” she whispered, tears welling in her eyes.  “Come on, well go get you seen to.”

 

Juliana tentatively lifted him, and he whined as she done so.

 

She placed him in the passenger side of her car and drove off, pushing the tears away as she tried to drive safely to a nearby vet.

 

He was taken within ten minutes, and Juliana was left outside as he was examined and given and x-ray.

 

Juliana pulled out her phone, her thumb hovering over Valentina's number before she decided against calling, it was a Friday night, she was probably busy.

 

She was about to put her phone away when it buzzed in her hand, a photo of Valentina and Kal lying on the grass, Valentina grinning widely at the camera while Kal stared up at her lighting up the screen.

 

“Hey,” Juliana answered gruffly.

 

There was a pause. “Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah, I- Kal is in with the vet, it think he's really hurt, Val.”

 

“Where are you?”

 

“You don’t need to come here.”

 

“I know,” Valentina said. “Where are you?”

 

Juliana rhymed off the name of the surgery she was at, and Valentina hung up with a promise that she would be there in ten minutes.

 

She was there in six minutes, and Juliana’s head shot up at the sound of the door opening, and she was on her feet in a second letting Valentina wrap her arms securely around her, finally letting the tears that has been threatening to fall slip.

 

“What happened, Juls?” Valentina asked against the side of her head.

 

“My dad, he-” Juliana swallowed thickly. “And Kal tried to protect me but he kicked him. He kicked him really hard, Val.”

 

“Hey,” Valentina whispered, pulling back and cupping Juliana’s cheeks, sipping away the tears with her thumb. “He's a tough dog, really lives up to his namesake.” she assured with a little smile, leaning in a little closer to look into Juliana’s eyes. “He's going to be okay.”

 

And he was, nothing was broken or seriously injured.

 

“He is quite tender on his side but there are no breaks or fractures.” The vet said. “What happened to him?”

 

“I threw the ball, he tumbled down the hill and I think he hit a rock.” Juliana lied easily, sniffing and wiping her eyes. “He's going to be okay?”

 

“A little sore, probably not as spry as usual but yes, he will be just fine.”

 

Juliana nodded, swallowing back her tears. “Can we see him?”

 

“He is just through here.”

 

Juliana made to follow the man, her arm outstretched and hand almost slipping from Valentina’s when she didn't move. Juliana gripped tightly onto Valentina’s hand.

 

“Are you coming?”

 

“I can wait here,”

 

“No,” Juliana frowned, tugging at Valentina’s hand. “Come.”

 

“Okay,” Valentina nodded, allowing Juliana to pull her along.

 

“He was giving some strong painkillers, so he is a little drowsy but that will wear off in a few hours.” He explained. “Take your time,”

 

Juliana nodded, moving to crouch beside Kal, who was lying on the table.

 

“Hey, buddy.” she whispered, and Kal’s tail thumped once, his head lifting lazily. Juliana felt herself welling up again. “I'm so sorry,” she croaked out, pressing her forehead against his. “I won't let him hurt you again.”

 

Kal peeked his tongue out to lick her nose, and Juliana laughed through a sob.

 

“You should both stay at my place tonight.” Valentina offered, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Eva is in Milan and Guillermo is somewhere south, no one will be home.”

 

Juliana could feel her lip quiver as she looked up at Valentina, nodding softly. “Thank you.”

 

Valentina gave her shoulder a little squeeze, “I'll just be outside.”

 

Juliana nodded, turning her attention back to Kal who looked as happy as ever to see her, which she didn't understand, this was her fault. He was hurt because of her, she couldn't protect him.

 

She sniffed, wiping her eyes with her sleeve and scooping the drowsy dog up into her arms.

 

When she entered the lobby area Valentina was waiting with a smile, a large dog bed and a bag of dog food. “He doesn't have anything at my place.”

 

“Okay, just let me pay,”

 

“It's taken care of,” Valentina quickly backtracked when Juliana looked at her with an annoyed look. “You can pay me back, whatever.”

 

“Val,” Juliana sighed.

 

“Come, I will make us dinner.” Valentina nodded to the door. “You like Mumbai rolls, right?”

 

Juliana didn't really had it in her to admire Valentina’s house, merely setting up Kal’s bed in her bedroom and placing him in it before changing into the hoodie and sweatpants Valentina had left her.

 

She padded into the kitchen, the sleeves of the slightly too big hoodie wrapped around her hands and a headache starting to form.

 

Valentina was cutting up vegetables when she glanced up, doing a double take and smiling softly at her.

 

“What?” Juliana asked, covering her mouth with her sleeve covered hand.

 

“You're really pretty.”

 

“I'm sure,” Juliana rolled her eyes. “I'm a mess.”

 

“A pretty mess,” Valentina insisted, reaching out and taking ahold of Juliana’s hand and pulling her in. Juliana couldn't help the little smile that pulled on her lips when she started swaying to the music playing softly from the radio. “A beautiful disaster.”

 

Juliana laughed, and for whatever reason that caused something in her to snap, then she was sobbing against Valentina’s chest, Valentina holding her up as she walked them to the sofa.

 

Juliana cried, her head in Valentina’s lap as she ran her fingers through her hair, until she fell asleep, the dull ache of a headache starting behind her eyes.

 

When she woke up Kal was down beside the sofa, Juliana’s fingers had threaded through his fur in her sleep, and there was a soft hum from the kitchen.

 

She forced herself up, telling Kal to stay before heading off to the kitchen. She lingered in the doorway, watching Valentina as she hummed, cutting up the vegetables in front of her.

 

It took Valentina about a minute to notice her.

 

“Oh, hey, how are you feeling?”

 

“Yeah, okay.”

 

“Dinner?” she asked.

 

Juliana nodded. “Can I help?”

 

“Sure,” Valentina nudged her head for Juliana to come closer, placing her hands on her hips and helping her up into the counter. “Tell me about the lymphatic system.”

 

Juliana laughed softly, snagging a piece of pepper as she began explaining the system and how it functions alongside the other systems.

 

Valentina hummed, asking questioned every so often, then they settled down to dinner.

 

Afterward they headed to Valentina’s room, the TV playing but neither of them really paid it any mind, both lying on their sides facing each other, Juliana’s hands tucked under her head while Valentina ran her fingers up and down her forearm.

 

“Talk to me, Juls.”

 

“About what?”

 

If this had been any other time Valentina probably would have rolled her eyes at Juliana trying to play dumb.

 

“Juliana,” she sighed. “Please.”

 

Valentina was pleading with her just to open up, to not hold it all in anymore, and Juliana was done keeping everything inside, she was done suffering on her own.

 

“My parents have been away all week, they got back tonight and he was so happy, so I knew he had done something really horrible. He started drinking and I know when he is happy and drinking he drinks more than any other time, and when he over drinks he gets nasty to I went to my room.” Juliana explained, tucking her face into the pillow. “I asked my mother what he did but for some reason she has decided that she wants to protect me now and wouldn't tell me. I was in my room for most of the night, but I got hungry so I went downstairs to make food and I smashed a glass. That wouldn't have been an issue, he was mad but not mad to the point of violence. But I had had enough, and I was stupid enough to talk back so he came at me, I knew he was going to hurt me, but Kal stood in between us and growled but he isn't violent, so he wouldn't have hurt him, he was just warning him to back off. But my dad kicked him, hard, and he made the most horrific noise and-”

 

Juliana could feel herself start to panic, her chest tightening painfully, making her feel like she couldn't breathe, and Valentina seemed to realise what was happening, too, because she shuffled closer, placing a hand on Juliana’s hip.

 

“You're safe, breathe for me.”

 

Juliana took in a few shaky breaths, letting her forehead rest against Valentina’s sternum.

 

“I'm sorry, we can stop talking.” Valentina pressed her lips to Juliana's hair, running her fingers through her hair.

 

Juliana shook her head. “I need to, if that's okay?”

 

Juliana pulled back, peering up at Valentina, who was looking down at her with the softest eyes, nodding her head lightly as a sad smile pulled on her lips. “More than okay,” she assured, smoothing down Juliana’s hair.

 

So Juliana just talked in a mess of jumbled sentence and panicked breathes.

 

She told Valentina about tonight, and her childhood, the people she had seen her father murder, the people she had _heard_ him murder. His henchmen getting a little too handsy when she was fifteen, the policemen that would come and, at first, Juliana felt safe, before realising they were on her father's payroll.

 

She talked about her mother's depression, watching her father hurt her, and watching her mother watch him hurt her.

 

She just unloaded everything, and come the end she was sobbing against Valentina’s chest, while Valentina held her tight, whispering calming words against her ear.

 

Kal jumped up onto the bed, settling against her back, trapping her between him and Valentina, and Juliana had never felt safer.

 

She was lulled to sleep by Valentina’s soft hummed and the warmth of Kal against her back.

 

When she woke up a few hours later Valentina was still hummed, her fingertip tracing the shell of her ear.

 

She fisted the front of Valentina’s shirt, which seemed to alert Valentina to the fact she was awake.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

Juliana nodded. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have unloaded all of that on you.”

 

“I’m here for you, Juliana. I don't mind listening.”

 

“Why?” Juliana questioned tentatively, pulling back to look up at Valentina. “I have nothing to offer you.”

 

“You said something to me when we first met that I don't think is true.” Valentina whispered, taking ahold of the Juliana’s hand that was pressed against her collarbone, holding it tightly. “You said that children represent a parents character. That's not true, at all.”

 

Juliana frowned, wondering where Valentina was going with this.

 

“You, Juliana Valdes, are by far the sweetest, most kind hearted person I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. You have so much love that you haven't had the chance to give anyone but Kal. You are honest and compassionate, and believe me when I say that I feel very lucky to have you as my friend.” Juliana tried, really tried to believe her, but she couldn't, how could she be any of those things with the environment she grew up in. “You don't have a bad bone in your body, and being friends with you is one of the few things I have done right.”

 

“I'm just waiting for the day that it kicks in.”

 

“What kicks in?”

 

“Whatever side I'm going to fall on,” Valentina frowned. “If I'm going to be violent like my father or depressed like my mother.”

 

“You are not your parents, you have plans, aspirations, you are going to make something of yourself and get away from them.” Valentina spoke with such confidence that Juliana found herself believing her for a split second. “And I hope I will be there to watch you become the incredible women I know you will be.”

 

Juliana took a breath. “A fashion designer.” she said, out loud for the first time.

 

“Yeah?” Valentina’s eyes lit up, and she smiled softly down at her. “That perfect, I have a friend we could talk to, but we can deal with that later.”

 

“I have never said it out loud before.” Juliana admitted.

 

“Why?”

 

“I didn't want anyone to know, or to even admit it to myself, because if I don't achieve it, I'm a failure.”

 

“You have so much drive, I know you don't believe that but you are a straight A student, you are strong, and independent, you are going to achieve this.”

 

Juliana didn't believe it, but it was nice to know there was as someone in her corner.

 

“What are you going to do about Kal?”

 

“He will forget he even said tomorrow, I should be okay to take him home.”

 

“Are you going to be okay to go home?” Valentina asked, the worry obvious in her tone.

 

“I have no choice,” Juliana shrugged. “I can deal with it, him hurting me, but not Kal, I won't let him hurt Kal.”

 

Juliana shook her head, her eyes snapping to Valentina when she places her hand on her cheek and came closer.

 

“Come here if you believe he is going to get violent.” Valentina requested. “Please.”

 

Juliana could do nothing but nod, but regretted that when her nose lightly brushed against Valentina’s.

 

“I hate the idea of you going home, of you living in that house with him, but I do understand that you have to for now.” Valentina whispered. “But you are not alone, not anymore.”

 

Juliana’s eyes flickered down to Valentina’s lips, too close and too pretty, she found herself wetting her own lips,

 

When she forced herself to drag her eyes back to Valentina’s, she was watching her with hooded eyes, a smoldering look that was all consuming but odd comforting all at once.

 

“Val,” Juliana breathed, and Valentina brought her hand down to her chin, her thumb running over her chin dimple.

 

“You are very beautiful, Juliana.” Valentina whispered.

 

Juliana swallowed, forcing herself to duck her head, her forehead pressing against Valentina s chin, because she was very close to doing something stupid.

 

She felt Valentina take a deep breath before she tightened her grip on Juliana.

 

Juliana couldn't mess this up by doing something stupid like kissing Valentina. She couldn't ruin the one friendship she had ever had.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think?  
> thatoneloser-kid.tumblr.com
> 
> Thank you for reading and all the kind words!

She was right about her father not remembering.

 

Come the following morning Kal was a little more spry, but not nearly as bouncy and energetic as he usually was.

 

Her father was at the door talking to one of his men when she pulled up.

 

Juliana got out of the car, helping Kal down before heading up the path, her head down as she waited for her father to say something about Kal.

 

But he just smiled instead, his henchmen, eyeing her up and down.

 

“Where'd you go?”

 

“I took Kal to the park he likes early, I wasn't sleeping well last night.”

 

Her father seemed to believe her.

 

“There's a card on the table.”

 

“For what?” Juliana frowned.

 

“Your birthday.”

 

Juliana sighed. “My birthday is in March, papi. It’s May.”

 

“Better late than never.” Her father waved her off and Juliana could do nothing but ignored him, heading inside to grab the card.

 

There was two thousand pesos inside, Juliana knew she should be thankful but it is the least she deserves from him.

 

She put the money in her ‘runaway fund’.

 

She sighed as she took a seat on her bed, she wasn't seeing Valentina tonight, she had a party, which made Juliana anxious.

 

She had heard about Valentina, about her excessive drinking, her drug use, she had gotten multiple texts from drunk Valentina in the short while they had known each other.

 

She knows what drink and drugs does to people, she has seen it first hand since she was a child, and it scared her knowing Valentina would be left vulnerable under the influence of these substances.

 

So she told Valentina to keep her updated, if she wasn't too busy to text her.

 

Valentina looked delighted that Juliana wanted to stay in touch.

 

Juliana had just finished breakfast when her phone buzzed.

 

**Val [10:12]: we should just hang out tonight**

Juliana honestly expected to be called out for sneaking out while Valentina was still asleep.

 

_Juls [10:14]: havent you had enough of me yet?_

**Val [10:14]: not even a little**

**[10:15]: I have so much fun with you, even while studying.**

_Juls [10:16]: me too_

_[10:16]: but this is for your father, you have to go_

**Val [10:17]: I know**

 

This message was accompanied with a photo of Valentina, the bottom half of her face hid behind her pillow, and she was rolling her eyes.

 

Juliana leant back in her chair, her hand coming up to cover her mouth as a smile pulled its way on her lips.

 

She let herself just stare at the photo, Valentina was makeup free, her hair mused and her eyes still sleepy looking.

 

Juliana played with her bottom lip as she thought back to last night, the look in Valentina’s eyes, it was like she was _begging_ Juliana to kiss her.

 

But Juliana was also aware of her bias, her need, her _craving_ to kiss Valentina, she knew she could just be projecting that onto Valentina.

 

And that scared her, this was the first time in her life that she felt like she had someone in her corner. Even with Panchito it felt like they felt obligated because they had _witnessed_ Juliana being hurt by her father.

 

But Valentina, she was just there with what seemed to be unconditional understanding and, honestly, what seemed to be love.

 

She knew Juliana had nothing to offer her and she was still there, even after finding out about her father, even after Juliana completely broke down.

 

She _still_ wanted to be around her, spend all of her time with her, and Juliana just couldn't wrapped her head around why, and that scared her.

 

_Juls [10:21]: thank you for last night, Val, I'm sorry you had to see me like that._

**Val [10:22]: please don't feel like you have apologise, or hide anything from me**

**[10:23]: I'm behind you with anything and everything**

**[10:23]: 100%**

_Juls [10:24]: why? I have nothing to really offer_

**Val [10:25]: how about we get lunch tomorrow and talk about this?**

_Juls [10:26]: okay_

**Val [10:27]: you look at yourself as someone not worthy of love, and that's not true. You are pretty great, and I am making it my job to help you realise that**

**[10:28]: I'm going to get my sister from the airport, but I will speak to you later**

Valentina did keep her updated throughout the day (sending her a photo of herself dressed in a tight black dress and her leather jacket, Juliana may have almost dropped her phone on her face) but what she hadn't expected was just how bored she was without Valentina.

 

She forgot what she used to do before they started hanging out, and all she could bring herself to do was lay in bed with Kal.

 

But that meant she had time, which mean she started over thinking everything, to the point where she forced herself up and out with Kal.

 

She ended up at Panchito’s ice cream parlor.

 

The man smiled when she entered. “Usual?”

 

“Please,”

 

Panchito nodded and started making her order, “Where is your friend?”

 

“Who?”

 

“The one you have been in with the past few weeks.” Panchito smiled knowingly at her.

 

“Oh, she has a party tonight, you're stuck with me.”

 

“I have had worse customers.” Panchito teased as Juliana slid into the stool by the counter, her cheek in her hand. “Who is she?”

 

“Valentina Carvajal,” Juliana sighed, a little smile pulling on her lips.

 

“And she is a… friend?” He questioned, handing Juliana the little bowl he kept behind the counter for Kal with two scoops of ice cream in it.

 

Juliana placed it on the floor beside him. “Yeah, we go to school together.”

 

“You both seem close.”

 

Juliana leveled Panchito with a glare, she knew exactly what he was hinting at.

 

“Pan,”

 

Panchito held up his hands in defense, laughing softly. “I'm just saying, watching you two together-”

 

“I couldn't do that to her.”

 

“What?” Panchito frowned, handing over Juliana’s cone. “Love her?”

 

“I can't bring her into my life like that, not with my father.” Juliana said. “She can't get hurt because of me.”

 

“You need to let someone in eventually, Juliana.” He said. “And when you do, I am in your corner.”

 

“Thank you, Panchito.”

 

She settled in one of the booths to do some homework, texting Valentina on and off until six, when it went radio silent.

 

Juliana stayed until nine, helping Panchito clean up before heading home.

 

Her father was out when she got home, which was a relief.

 

She settled in bed after feeding Kal, and was just dozing off when there was a light tap on her window.

 

She frowned as she crawled out of bed and over to her window. She wasn't really sure what she expected to see, but it certainly wasn't a grinning Valentina.

 

For a second she felt a flutter in her chest, but it quickly disappeared at the thought of her father.

 

“Val?” she hissed, yanking the window open. “What are you doing here?”

 

“I missed you.” she hummed, resting her chin on her arms, that were folded on the windowsill. Her eyes were unfocused and her smile slack.

 

“How did you get here?” Juliana asked, telling Kal to stay before hopping out of the window.

 

“Sergio is waiting out front.” Valentina waved her hand in that direction. “He likes you, kept saying you were pretty. Maybe you should go out with him?”

 

Juliana was a little baffled by the turn the conversation had taken. “What? No, I don't want to go out with him.”

 

“Really?” Valentina perked up.

 

“Valentina, you can just show up here.” Juliana sighed. “Never just show up here, okay?”

 

“I'm sorry, I just missed you.”

 

Juliana sighed. “I missed you,” She admitted. “But you have to understand, you can't just show up here, not with my father.”

 

Valentina looked disgusted. “Is he home?”

 

“No, but he will be soon.” Juliana took ahold of Valentina’s arm. “So you have to go.”

 

Valentina allowed herself to be lead to Sergio’s Audi, huffing when Juliana opened the door for her. “See you tomorrow?”

 

“Yes, Val, text me when you get home.”

 

“M’kay,” Valentina hummed, leaning in to hug Juliana. “I spent all night thinking about you.”

 

Juliana could smell the alcohol on Valentina, and it reminded her too much of her father.

 

“Goodnight, Val.”

 

“Goodnight,” Valentina said, pulling back and planting a kiss to the corner of Juliana’s mouth, a little too close to being a full kiss on her lips.

 

Valentina didn't seem phased like Juliana was, stumbling back into the car.

 

Juliana ducked down to peer at Sergio. “Get her home safe?”

 

“Of course. I told her it was too late to come by but you know what she's like.”

 

“Yeah,” Juliana hummed, lightly batting at Valentina’s shoulder. “Put your seatbelt on.”

 

Valentina grumbled but obliged.

 

“Goodnight, Juliana.” Sergio said, and Juliana didn't miss the soft look he gave her.

 

“Goodnight, guys.” Juliana smiled, closing the door and heading back inside.

 

Valentina called her half an hour after leaving her place.

 

“Are you home safe?”

 

_“All tucked up in bed.”_

Juliana sighed. “What did you take tonight, Val?”

 

_“Doesn't matter,” She said. “I haven't stopped thinking about you, Juls.”_

Juliana really didn't want to have a conversation like this, it was dangerous at the best of times never mind when someone was high.

 

“I'm worried about you, Valentina. You keep doing this, getting drunk or high, it's not safe.”

 

_“You don't have to worry about me.”_

“But I do,”

 

Valentina was silent for a few seconds. _“Tell me a story?”_

Juliana wanted to push, but she knew there wa no point, there was no talking to a drunk Valentina. “What about?”

 

_“You,”_

Juliana was thoughtful, trying to think of a mildly nice story to tell. She eventually settled on the story of the first few days that she had Kal.

 

Valentina was asleep less than five minutes into the story.

 

\--

 

Valentina looked a little worse for wear when she showed up at the cafe the following day.

 

“Hangover?” Juliana asked, a little too smug as she slid Valentina’s coffee across the table, along with a bottle of water and painkillers.

 

“Shut up,” Valentina grumbled.

 

Juliana laughed softly. “Did you have a good night?”

 

“The best part was seeing you, even if you did just throw me out.” Valentina teased, but Juliana didn't smile.

 

“Val,”

 

“I know, and I'm sorry, I shouldn't have just stopped.”

 

Juliana reached across the table, taking ahold of Valentina’s hands. “It isn't you, I promise you that. For a second I was happy to see you, but you have to understand, with my father-”

 

“I understand.” Valentina assured, trailing her finger the back of Juliana’s hand. “Can I asked you something?”

 

“Of course,”

 

“You obviously don't want my money, so why are you friends with me?”

 

The question threw Juliana, to the point she recoiled slightly, a deep frown on her brow. “What?”

 

“I'm serious, you seem to believe that friendships require some sort of physical give and take, so what do I give?”

 

It registered then what Valentina was getting at. “Val,”

 

“What do I give you that makes you stay?”

 

“You kind of forced my hand in the beginning, you wouldn't leave me alone.” Juliana laughed nervously, but Valentina just watched her expectantly. Juliana knew she had no choice but to tell the truth. “You make me happy. You make getting out of bed easier, the idea of seeing you makes going to that school bearable.” Juliana rubbed her lips together, lifting her eyes from their joined hands to Valentina’s eyes. Valentina was staring at her with soft eyes, waiting patiently for her to continue. Juliana through their joint hands up to her lips. “With you I feel like I could actually get out of here, make something of myself.”

 

There was a twitch of Valentina’s lips, but she pursed them to try and hide her smile. “Is it so hard to believe that you make me feel the same? That is why I wanted to be your friend.”

 

Juliana swallowed, bobbing her head slight. “Yes,”

 

Valentina’s eyes saddened. “Why?”

 

“Because I don't deserve to be love, not by you, or Panchito.”

 

“Of course you do,”

 

“No, I-” Juliana shook her head, swallowing the lump in her throat. “I say that my mother just sits back and lets him do what he does but I do, too. I know what he is doing and I don't do anything about it. I don't _deserve_ to be loved, I don't deserve to be happy.”

 

“You've tried. You told me about the police, Juls, you _tried.”_ Valentina stressed. “You told the police, they were in your father's pocket. You got hurt trying to protect other people.”

 

Juliana took a deep breath.

 

“I think you are wonderful, I think your brave, and you are going to get out of here, your father _will_ get was he deserves.” Valentina’s eyes were intense, but Juliana forced herself to maintain eye contact, even if she could feel tears welling in them. “I will spend forever trying to make you believe that you deserve all the happiness and love in the world.”

 

“I'm afraid,” Juliana whispered against Valentina’s hand.

 

“Of what?”

 

“Being happy.” Juliana admitted. "I'm afraid that as soon as I'm happy it is all going to be ripped away, so I don't let myself be happy.”

 

“That seems awful lonely.”

 

“Lonely but safe.”

 

“Safe is boring,” Valentina flashed that crooked little grin.

 

“Safe as got me this far.”

 

“And you are miserable.” Valentina pointed out. “What kind of life is that?”

 

“The only one I have it in me to live.” 

 

“I hope you can think forward to when this isn't your life anymore, to when you are some big city dressing all of the highest people.” Valentina smiled at her. “I hope you won't forget about me when that happens.”

 

Juliana laughed, ducking her head and resting her forehead against their hands.

 

“I love you, Juliana, it doesn't matter whether you think you deserve it or not because it's too late.” Juliana lifted her eyes again, and Valentina was staring over at her with an unmistakable look of love. Juliana was starting to feel a little flustered under her gaze. A little smirk pulled on Valentina’s lips. “You are very pretty when you're flustered.”

 

Juliana didn't really know what to think. She felt like the lines were getting more and more blurred the more time they spent together, but she didn't have any previous experiences to base that off of.

 

For all she knew this could have been how friendships were.

 

“Do you want to go to our place?”

 

Juliana found herself smiling at Valentina calling their stargazing stop ‘their place’.

 

“Yeah,”

 

“Okay,” Valentina pulled her hands back.

  

 “My car or yours?”

 

“Yours,” Valentina said. “But we need to stop off somewhere first.”

 

They stopped off at a supermarket, and Valentina told her to stay put before rushing off, coming back out ten minutes later with a few bags.

 

“What is in the bags?”

 

“Stuff,”

 

Juliana rolled her eyes, but didn't push.

 

When they reached their spot, Valentina pulled a blanket from the bag and placed it on the grass before pulling out various different snacks and fruit.

 

Then she reached into one of the bags and squeaked whatever was inside, immediately getting Kal’s attention.

 

“You didn't think I would forget about you?” she pulled out the toy, a bull Teddy, and threw it at Kal, who caught it and instantly began squeaking it.

 

They settled on the blanket while Kal played off to the side.

 

“Why did you stopped cheerleading?” Juliana asked, taking a bite of the strawberry she had.

 

“I didn't like the team. The girls on it thought they had some American stereotype to live up to.” Valentina shrugged. “They were mean, I didn't want to be a part of that.”

 

“Did you like it?”

 

“I did, but they were mean and it came with a lot of attention from boys.”

 

“That's a bad thing?”

 

“In that school, yes.” Valentina hummed. “Sergio likes you.”

 

Juliana tutted, “You told me.”

 

“Are you not going to give him a chance if he asks?” Valentina asked, leaning a little closer to Juliana.

 

“I'm not interested.”

 

Juliana didn't miss the smile that pulled on Valentina’s lips. “What about people you have dated before?”

 

Juliana shook her head. “I've never been on a date.”

 

“Never?” Valentina frowned when Juliana shook her head. “We will have to change that, then.”

 

“What?”

 

“Welcome to the first of many faux-dates. Number one, the picnic date.” Valentina held her arms out wide, looking all to pleased with herself.

 

“You are going to take me on dates?”

 

“You could do worse.”

 

Juliana wasn't sure she could do any better.

 

“Okay, let's do all the first date things.” Valentina held her hand out to Juliana. “I am Valentina Carvajal, Leo.”

 

Juliana laughed as she took Valentina’s hand. “Juliana Valdes, Aries.”

 

“It is very nice to meet you, Juliana Valdes.” Valentina withdrew her hand, her fingertips brushing against her palm. “Where are you from?”

 

“The North.”

 

“Mm, I can tell by that accent.” Valentina teased.

 

“What's wrong with my accent?” Juliana huffed.

 

“So gruff, so angry.”

 

“Well,” Juliana scoffed. “I won't be going on another date with _you.”_ she playfully jabbed her finger into Valentina’s thigh.

Valentina laughed, falling forward to rest her forehead against Juliana’s temple briefly, before pulled back an inch to look at her. “I think you will.”

 

Juliana made the mistake of turning her head, leaving their faces way to close for her to function properly.

 

“Yeah,” She breathed, unable to look anywhere by Valentina’s mirthful eyes. “I think I will.”

 

The mirthful look disappeared when Valentina realised how close they were, her eyes flickering over Juliana’s face before her hand slid up to her cheek.

 

Juliana swallowed, her eyes fluttering closed at the contact, only opening then again when she felt Valentina rest their foreheads together.

 

“Val,” She whispered, panic rising in her chest.

 

“Hm,” Valentina hummed, her nose brushing against Juliana’s.

 

“Don’t,” Juliana rushed out, and Valentina stopped immediately, snapped out of whatever little daze she was in, and pulled back, but not nearly far enough for Juliana’s liking.

 

“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-” Valentina dropped her hand, but Juliana quickly caught it.

 

“Don't be sorry, I just- I can't, Val.”

 

“Did you want to?” Valentina asked in a small voice.

 

Juliana’s eyes dropped to their hands as she nervously played with Valentina’s fingers. “I think you know the answer to that.”

 

“Then why stop?”

 

“I'm not ready, I'm not sure I ever will be.” Juliana admitted.  “I can't- I'm sorry, I-”

 

“It's okay,” Valentina interrupted when she noticed the panic in Juliana’s voice. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have put this on you, you have enough to deal with.”

 

“You aren't something I ‘deal with’.” Juliana assured. “Can you give me time?”

 

“All the time you need,” Valentina promised.

 

“And we can stay friends?”

 

“Please,” Valentina laughed softly. “As if you are getting rid of me as easily as that.”

 

Juliana smiled, ducking her head into Valentina’s neck.

 

Valentina rested her cheek against Juliana’s head, rubbing her back calmingly.

 

“I'm sorry,” Juliana whispered.

 

“Stop apologising for your feelings, Juls.” Valentina insisted.

 

Juliana sighed, relaxing against Valentina when she reclined them back, Kal to her left, asleep with his chin on his new toy.

 

She left herself feel the safety Valentina was giving her, relish in it even.

 

“That one kind of looks like a duck,” Valentina whispered, pointing toward the sky, and Juliana tilted her head on Valentina’s shoulder to look up.

 

“No,” Juliana laughed. “It's clearly a rabbit.”

 

“Do the rabbits you've seen also look like ducks,” Valentina scoffed. “Because that's a duck.”

 

Juliana rolled her eyes, but didn't rise to the bait. ”That one looks like a squirrel.”

 

Valentina tilted her head to get a better look. “Yeah, I can see it.” she hummed, giving Juliana a little squeeze. “Cloud watching date, check.”

 

Juliana laughed softly, melting against Valentina as she pointed out shapes in the clouds.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think?  
> Tumblr: thatoneloser-kid.tumblr.com

_“Busy?”_

 

Juliana trapped her phone between her ear and shoulder, rubbing the soap into Kal’s fur. “A little, yes.”

 

 _“I’m around the corner, I want to take you somewhere.”_ Valentina said.

 

“Where?”

 

_“It's a surprise,”_

 

“I will be a little while yet,” Juliana said. “My parents are in Puerto Rico, just come in.”

 

Juliana listened for the door to click open, calling Valentina to her when it did.

 

Juliana glanced up when Valentina appeared in the doorway, a smile pulling on her lips.

 

“Hey,” Valentina smiled, leaning against the doorframe.

 

“I still need to finish washing and drying him off.”

 

“Let me help,” Valentina offered, pulling off her jacket and rolling up the sleeves of her shirt.

 

“You don't have to,”

 

“I don't mind,” Valentina knelt beside her, rubbing the soap into the back of Kal's neck.

 

“Where are we going?” Juliana asked, side eyeing Valentina, who grinned.

 

“It's a surprise,”

 

“I don't like surprises,”

 

“Too bad,”

 

Juliana rolled her eyes, grabbing the shower head and spraying Kal, who tried to snap at the spray of water, rubbing out the sud from his fur.

 

“Okay, we need to be quick here.”

 

Juliana dropped the shower head, and stood to reach for Kal’s towel just as the dog stood.

 

“Kal, _don't_!” Juliana warned, but he didn't listen, shaking out his fur.

 

Juliana squealed, trying to shield herself from the water, pushing herself against Valentina, who laughed, pulling Juliana in front of her to shield herself from the water.

 

Kal stopped, and Juliana glared back at him, before glaring up at Valentina. “You used me as a shield.”

 

“Of course, I like this shirt.” Valentina grinned down at Juliana, her hand flattening against Juliana’s shoulder blade.

 

“You're a jerk,” Juliana said softly, her hands flat against Valentina’s stomach.

 

“Mm,” Valentina hummed, tucking a stand on hair behind Juliana’s ear. “Let's dry him off and go, it starts at seven.”

 

“Is this another date thing?” Juliana asked.

 

“It is, we have two checked off of our list, there are plenty more.”

 

“You don't have to do this, Val.”

 

“Of course I do, you can't not experience dates.” Valentina said. “Plus, it's fun for me, too.”

 

“Give me twenty minutes.”

 

Valentina nodded, dropping her arms from around Juliana.

 

Juliana grabbed the towel and wrapping it around Kal, lifting him out of the bath and carrying him to the back yard.

 

Juliana towel dried him then brought him inside to dry him with her hairdryer. She brushed him outside before tying his flannel bandanna around his neck.

 

“Well, look at you,” Valentina smiled, scratching behind his fluffy ear. “ _Almost_ as beautiful as your mother. A very close second.”

 

“I'll just go get changed, any particular dress code?”

 

“Nope, anything you want.”

 

Juliana settled for a pair of jeans and a sweater, rolling the sleeves up as she entered the room.

 

She glanced up, doing a double take when she spotted Valentina watching her, Kal curled up on her lap as she scratched his tummy.

 

“What?” Juliana questioned softly, dropping her eyes back to her sleeves.

 

“You look nice,”

 

Juliana grinned bashfully, “Is this the part you give me flowers?”

 

“Almost,” Valentina hummed, standing and reaching into the inside pocket of her jacket, pulling out a chocolate rose. “I know you're not a fan of flowers, and everyone loves chocolate.”

 

A smile bloomed on Juliana’s lips as she took the chocolate, her fingers lingering on Valentina’s for a few seconds. “Thank you.”

 

“You're welcome,” Valentina smiled, nudging her head to the door. “Ready?”

 

“To go where?”

 

Valentina grinned at Juliana’s cheeky little smile. “The middle of a field with a bunch of strangers.”

 

“What?” Juliana frowned, but Valentina turned to leave. “Hey, what does that even mean?”

 

That meant, as it turned out, a drive in movie.

 

“Drive in movie date,” Valentina said, as Juliana pulled up into the spot they were being guided to. “It was supposed to be a movie date but we couldn't take Kal to that.”

 

“I've never been to one of these before, but I have always wanted to.” Juliana smiled, leaning forward to peer up at the screen.

 

Juliana glanced at Valentina, to see her watching her with the softest look Juliana had ever seen. “Val, stop looking at me like that.”

 

“I don't know how else to look at you.” Valentina admitted in a hushed tone.

 

“Val, if this is too weird-”

 

That seemed to snap Valentina out of her little daze. “It's not, it's fine.” she assured, turning to settle in her seat.

 

“I'm sorry, Val.”

 

“What did I tell you about apologising.” Valentina gave her hand a little squeeze.

 

She knew Valentina said it was okay, that she would wait, but Juliana couldn't shake the guilt that settled in her chest.

 

Valentina pulled out snacks just as the movie started, handing some over to Juliana.

 

Come the end of the movie Juliana was tucked under Valentina's arm, her head against her shoulder and, honestly, she couldn't say who initiated it, or if they had just gravitate together.

 

Juliana thought about driving her home, but she knew her parents were gone and she didn't really want to be alone right now.

 

She tapped her fingers against the wheel as she waited for everyone in front of her to drive back out.

 

“Hey, do you want to come over?” Juliana asked, and deep down she knew it was an awful idea, that it could end terrible, but she didn't feel like being alone. She didn't want to end this night just yet.

 

“Really?”

 

“If you want to,” Juliana hummed, driving slowly in the direction she was being directed.

 

“I do,” Valentina agreed. “It's perfect, actually. Can we stop off at the store, we can tick off another date.”

 

They stopped by the store, then headed back to Juliana’s place, Valentina heading straight for the kitchen.

 

“What are you doing?” Juliana asked as Valentina unpacked the shopping.

 

“We are going to cook dinner together, I even got everything we need to make lemon carlota.” Valentina smiled happily. “Which we should start on now, giving it time to freeze while we cook and eat dinner.”

 

“Okay, consider me your sous-chef.” Juliana rolled her sleeves up, motioning to the food on the counter. “Tell me what to do, boss.”

 

“Okay, I'm going to combined the milk and juice the lemons, could you line that,” Valentina pointed to the baking dish. “With the biscuits.”

 

Juliana gave a little playful salute.

 

Valentina shrugged off her jacket, leaving her in a racerback tank and her jeans.

 

Juliana found her eyes staying to Valentina, her muscles straining on her shoulders as she juiced the lemons. She forced herself to look away the first few times, focusing intently on the biscuits in her hand.

 

But after a few times she just gave up trying, her eyes stuck to Valentina as she mindlessly lined the dish with biscuits, her eyes following the line from her shoulder, down her arm and back again.

 

And she just stared, until Kal’s nose poked at her leg, startling Juliana.

 

He looked at her at his big eyes, offering him a biscuit, which he happily took.

 

When she looked back at Valentina she was watching her, her eyebrow cocked and a little smile on her lips.

 

“There are enough to snack on,” Juliana shrugged, taking a bite of a biscuit, offering the rest to Valentina.

 

She instantly regretted that was Valentina took the biscuit between her teeth, a cheeky little grin in her lips and, god, Juliana felt herself fall a little more in love.

 

“You can't tell me not to look at you like that when you look at me like this.” Valentina whispered.

 

“I can't help it.” Juliana admitted in a hushed tone.

 

“I know the feeling,” Valentina hummed, and a moment passed with them just staring at one and other, before Valentina shook herself out of it, moving to grab the milk/lemon juice, moving to stand by Juliana. “Okay, just pour this on top and put it in the freezer for two hours.”

 

Juliana took the desert to the freezer when the filling was poured.

 

“Okay, what are we making for dinner?”

 

“You,” Valentina held her hand out to Juliana, who tentatively took it, pulling Juliana to the cooker, patting the counter beside it. “Are in charge of stirring.”

 

Juliana watched Valentina as she moved around the kitchen, seemingly in her element as flitted around.

 

“Is this something you do often?” Juliana asked, and Valentina glanced up from the veg she was dicing.

 

“Hm?”

 

“Cooking, is it something you do often?”

 

“It is something I really enjoy, I always have.”

 

“Even with all the maids I know you have.” Juliana teased.

 

Valentina smiled, her eyes not leaving the food in front of her. “I used to help the kitchen staff cook, they taught me a lot, and I actually find it quite calming.”

 

“You will make someone a good wife someday.”

 

“And not just for my cooking,” Valentina flashed her a smirk as she scooped up the veg and put it in the pan. “Now, stir.”

 

They settled in the backyard with dinner, then settled on the swinging bench Valentina tucking her legs under herself while Julian swung them with one leg.

 

“If you could go anywhere, no questions asked, just drop everything and never come back, where would you go?” Juliana questioned, resting her head back against the back of the bench to peer over at Valentina.

 

Valentina hummed thoughtfully. “I don't know, maybe Venice.”

 

“Why?”

 

Valentina shrugged “I’ve never been, and those gondolas seem very romantic.” Valentina side-eyed Juliana. “Can you imagine? Cuddled up in one of those boats, a strange man rowing the boat, all of the pretty scenery.”

 

“That does sound nice,”

 

“What about you?”

 

“Milan,”

 

“Italy too, huh?” there was a twinkle In Valentina’s eyes of something. Juliana didn't ask. “Why?”

 

“The fashion scene in Milan is amazing,”

 

“Well, I have no doubt you are going to take that fashion scene by storm when you are out there with your own store.”

 

Juliana rolled her eyes, lifting her head to look at her hands. “We’ll see.”

 

“I’m going to be the first person in your store, and if everyone else is lucky I might not buy out everything.”

 

Juliana laughed softly, crossing her arms over her chest. “You don't even know if I'm any good.”

 

“Don't get defensive.” Valentina pried her arms free, taking ahold of her hand, their fingers linked, and she clasped them on her lap. “You're going to be great.”

 

Juliana pulled on that tight lipped smile she done when she didn't know what else to say, giving Valentina’s hand a little squeeze.

 

“Are you happy?” Juliana blurted out, taking them both by surprise.

 

Valentina let out a surprised little laugh. “Now or-”

 

“Just in general,”

 

“That's not how it works, I have things that make me happy and things that don't. Sometimes I'm happy, sometimes I'm not.” Valentina answered, eyeing Juliana carefully. “Why, are you?”

 

“I have things that _should_ make me happy.”

 

“But?”

 

“But it doesn't matter how much time I spent with you, or Kal, I can always feel it seeping in.”

 

“What?” Valentina shuffled closer, seemingly sensing Juliana’s panic.

 

“The pressure, that hollowness, the aching, the fear. It's always there, always lingering and I try to forget, I try to ignore it but I _can't.”_ Juliana swallowed thickly, her hand clutching tightly into Valentina’s. “And when it does seep in, it's just this crushing pressure in my chest and I can't breath. Nothing feels like it matters anymore, everything I'm feeling, it is always overcome by _this,_ this overwhelming pressure, and it just makes my entire body ache.”

 

“You have to know what that sounds like, Juls.”

 

“Of course I do,” Juliana huffed. “But I'm not. I'm not depressed.”

 

“Okay,” Valentina hummed. “But just to be clear, there would be nothing to be ashamed of if you were.”

 

“I will be okay when I get out of here.”

 

“This kind of stuff doesn't just go away, Juls. You've been through a lot, you might need some help with that.”

 

“What, like some dude to psychoanalysis me? No thank you, I'm screwed up, anyone with eyes can see that.” Juliana grumbled.

 

“That's not what therapy is about, it helps you create mechanisms to cope, healthy ones.”

 

“You go?”

 

“I did,” Valentina nodded. “After my mother.”

 

Juliana held back a remark about how it didn't work, the flask tucked into Valentina’s jacket was proof of that.

 

“It didn't stick, obviously, sometimes it just takes time.” Valentina shrugged.

 

“How long?”

 

Valentina huffed out a laugh, lifting her shoulders. “I will let you know when I get there.”

 

“You do make me happy, Val. You make me feel like I can keep my head above water.” Juliana curled herself against Valentina when she slung her arm around her shoulder. “But it is like clinging onto a piece of driftwood while stranded in the ocean. You are so overwhelmed and happy that wood is there but there is that looming knowledge that it is just endless ocean all around you and, eventually, you are going to be swallowed up by it.”

 

Valentina nodded, but Juliana felt herself panic, because that didn't come out like she wanted it to, Valentina wasn't just a crutch.

 

“I don't mean- I'm not saying you- that come out wrong. I don't want you thinking you are just a crutch here, that's not what I meant.”

 

Valentina took ahold of Juliana’s jaw, stopping her rambling and forcing her to look at her. “I understand, Juls.” Valentina assured, and Juliana searched her eyes, seeing nothing but understanding shining back at her. “I'm in your corner, I'm with you, for keeps if you'll have me.”

 

Juliana had to bite back the ‘why’, a soft smile pulling on her lips as she tucked her head into Valentina’s neck.

 

“Thank you, Val.” Juliana whispered.

 

Valentina kissed her head. “I'm only doing it for the free clothes in the future.”

 

Juliana laughed softly.

 

“That and you have an outrageously pretty smile,”

 

“Says you, you could charm anyone with those eyes and that smile.”

 

“Please, there is a reason Van Morrison wrote a song about a brown eyed girl.” Valentina pulled back, ducking her head to look Juliana in the eyes. “You're eyes are the deepest brown I've ever seen, and when the light hits them just right?” Valentina sighed, her thumb ghosting across her cheek bone.  “They have this beautiful ring of almost yellow on the outside, and streaks of darker brown with little specks of gold. Your eyes are by far my favourite colour.”

 

Juliana had no idea what she was even supposed to say to that, so she could just stare, taking in Valentina’s earnest eyes, and soft smile, and before she could stop herself she had touched her forehead to Valentina’s, and brushed their nose together.

 

But before she could kiss her Valentina shook her head.

 

“You don't want this,” Valentina whispered. “And, God, is it killing me to do this but I can't let you do something that you might regret.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Juliana shook her head as she pulled back, rubbing her hand over her mouth and chin.

 

“It's comforting, knowing that you actually like me,” Valentina grinned crookedly. “But you need space, and you only watch to kiss me because I'm saying nice things, and that's not a good enough reason.”

 

Juliana nodded, sliding down in the swing and covering her face with her hand. “I'm sorry,” she whispered. “I'm a mess, I don't get why you keep coming back.”

 

“I've told you why, and I get you're finding that hard to believe but it's the truth.”

 

Juliana chewed on the inside of her cheek.

 

“Come, let's have desert.”

 

\--

 

She saw Valentina less over the next week, Valentina had a few galas and parties.

 

But Juliana did get countless drunk texts, to the point that Juliana was getting worried about her.

 

She didn’t get a drunk call until that Friday.

 

Juliana woke up with the sound of her phone buzzing beside her head.

 

“Mm?” she grumbled, not even opening her eyes.

 

“Juls, hey.”

 

Juliana startled at the loudness of Valentina’s voice.

 

“Val, hey,” Juliana rubbed her face. “Are you okay? It sounds busy.”

 

“Can you come get me? Lucho won't leave me alone so I have locked myself upstairs.” Valentina said, and Juliana’s feet were on the floor in seconds.

 

“Where are you?”

 

Valentina rhymed off an address as Juliana pulled on one of Valentina’s hoodie. “I've been thinking about you all night.”

 

“Are you okay? Have you taken anything?”

 

“Just alcohol and a pill Sergio gave me, but I'm okay.”

 

“I will be there soon, Val.”

 

Juliana snuck out on the house her father snoring on the sofa, putting Kal in the passenger side before heading off.

 

“Wait here, okay, I won't be long.” she told Kal, getting out of the car and locking it, staring up at the house in front of her.

 

The music was loud, and there was a few people who had filtered out into the front yard, making out against the walls surrounding the yard.

 

She headed inside, pushing herself through the crowd and upstairs, finding the room Valentina had directed her too.

 

She knocked. “Val, it's me.”

 

The door clicked open, and she had an arm full of Valentina instantly.

 

“Let me take you home,” Juliana whispered against her neck.

 

Valentina nodded.

 

She was unsteady on her feet, so Juliana tucked her arm under her, helping her navigate the stairs.

 

“Val, there you are.”

 

Juliana heard Val growl against her head.

 

“Leaving already?” Lucho asked, completely ignoring Juliana.

 

“Yes,”

 

“Come on, stay.” Lucho said, taking ahold of Valentina’s hand and pulling her toward him, and Valentina fought against it as much as she could, telling him no but he wouldn't listen, so Juliana pushed at his chest, causing him to stumbled in his inebriated state.

 

“She said no, dick.” Juliana growled.

 

“You shouldn't even be here, don’t you have a family to be murdering.”

 

He smirked, but it dropped when Valentina’s hand slapped across his cheek, then she pointed at him.

 

“Go fuck yourself, Lucho.” she growled, and Lucho lurched forward, but Juliana put herself in between them just as Sergio appeared, holding him back.

 

“Do you really think it’s a good idea to pick a fight with El Chino’s daughter, dude?”

 

Lucho glared at her, and Juliana stood her ground, glaring right back.

 

“Come on,” Sergio pulled Lucho away, and Juliana turned back to Valentina.

 

“Let's get out of here,”

 

Juliana helped Valentina into the car, Kal settling with his chin on her thigh.

 

“Thank you, I know it’s late, you didn't have to come.”

 

“Of course I was going to come.” Juliana sighed.

 

“Well, thank you.” Valentina hummed, her eyes closed and he head back against the headrest.

 

“This is the third time this week, Val.” Juliana said. “Are you okay?”

 

“Mm, better now that you're here.”

 

Juliana licked her lips and shook her head. “That's not what I meant. You are always drinking, or on something.”

 

“We all have our coping mechanisms, you have Kal, I have alcohol.”

 

Juliana bit the inside of her cheek. “We will talk about this tomorrow.”

 

“Nothing to talk about.”

 

“No, there is, and we are talking about it.”

 

Valentina stayed silent the entire time, and Juliana helped her inside, fully intending on leaving but Valentina asked her to stay, and looked at her with begging eyes.

 

That was how she ended up lying in bed with a still drunk Valentina.

 

“Val,” Juliana whispered, and Valentina looked at her with bleary eyes. “This isn't safe.”

 

“I don't know how else to deal.” Valentina breathed, her eyes slipping closed.

 

“With what?”

 

“Everything,” Val shuffled forward, resting her head against Juliana’s chest. “My mom, my absent family, you.”

 

“Me?” Juliana frowned.

 

“Mm,” she hummed. “Night, Juls.”

 

Valentina was snoring a few minutes later, and Juliana _tried_ to sleep, but that heavy feeling of guilt in her chest made it hard.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk to me? Thatoneloser-kid.tumblr.com

Valentina outright refused to talk about what had happened the previous night, but she did leave with a kiss of Juliana’s cheek and a promise to be back at three to pick her up for another date.

 

Juliana argued that she had to study but Valentina waved her off.

 

Juliana was ready come three, leaving without Kal, under Valentina’s instructions.

 

Valentina refused to tell her where they were going on the drive there, and Juliana. Didn't realise what was happening until she entered the building and saw the huge sign.

 

“Dance lessons?”

 

“Then dinner,” Valentina smiled brightly. “I have a fundraiser with my family at nine, but I'm yours until then.”

 

“I don't know how to dance.”

 

“Neither do I, which is why it's a lesson.” Valentina was grinning crookedly at her, her eyes shining and her hand out toward Juliana.

 

And Juliana found herself smiling, rolling her eyes and slapping her hand into Valentina’s.

 

“It’ll be fun,”

 

And the actually dancing was. Juliana enjoyed dancing, she wasn't necessarily practiced but she _enjoyed_ it.

 

What wasn't as enjoyable (or was maybe a little _too enjoyable)_ was holding Valentina close as she guided her through the foxtrot.

 

(“You know, people usually look into each other eyes during dances like this.” Juliana whispered, instantly regretting it when Valentina looked up at her.)

 

Come the end they were laughing and giggling as Juliana lead her around the room in what was more reminiscent of a waltz than the foxtrot, earning them glares from the older couples around them, but they didn't care, too wrapped up in themselves to realise until the teacher pulled them aside and basically told them off.

 

Valentina giggled against her shoulder when the teacher turned away, grabbing her hand and they ran out, both giggling.

 

Until they reached Valentina's car, Juliana leaning back against the passenger side, Valentina pressed a little too close. Those giggles turned into soft smiles.

 

“Worked up an apatite?” Valentina asked, her fingertips brushing against Juliana’s forehead as she brushed hair behind her ears.

 

“Yeah,” Juliana nodded. “Where are we going?”

 

“It's not far,” Valentina smiled, moving away from Juliana and into the car. “It's just a little place.”

 

Just a little place turned out to be a rooftop restaurant occupied by men in expensive suits and women in beautiful dresses.

 

“A little place?” Juliana hissed. “I am wearing old jeans and a hoodie, Val.”

 

“And you looked incredibly beautiful.” Valentina swore, pulling out the seat for Juliana to sit.

 

Juliana was well aware that people were staring, looking at her like she _didn't_ belong here, and they were right. She was way out of her depth here.

 

“Hey,” Valentina reached across once she was seated, placing her hand over Juliana’s. “You are the prettiest person here. I guaranteed you any of the men looking at us right now are rightfully jealous of me.”

 

Juliana glanced around to see a few of the men and a couple of women watching them.

 

“It wouldn't be fair if you have shown up in a fancy dress, you are already stealing the hearts of most of the men and probably a few of the women here, imagine how bad that would be for them if you had shown off your legs.” Valentina grinned smugly. “At the risk of sounding like a teenage boy, you are _hot,_ Juliana Valdes.”

 

Juliana laughed, ducking her head. “Is this your on-a-date moves?”

 

“This is my I'm-just-telling-the-truth moves.”

 

“You're too good for me, you know that? You're better than some broken, gangbangers daughter.”

 

“I think we fit well,” Valentina argued. “You aren't the only one who is a little broken, Juls.”

 

Juliana nodded, a little smile on her lips. “Thank you for this, Val. I really enjoy just being with you.”

 

That made a large smile bloom on Valentina’s face, and Juliana wondered if she was as blatantly in love as Valentina was. It was written all over her face; in the tilt of her smile, the crinkle at the corner of her eye, the twinkle in her eyes, the scrunching of her nose.

 

Juliana knew she wasn't this transparent, she knew she was stone-faced in comparison to Valentina.

 

“You are very pretty.” Juliana breathed, and Valentina’s smile slackened.

 

Valentina dropped her off home after dinner, promising another date _soon_ before rushing off to get ready for the gala.

 

Soon was five am the following morning.

 

Juliana groaned as she reached for her phone blindly.

 

“ _Get dressed and let's go,”  Valentina ordered._

Juliana grumbled, pulling her phone away from her ear and squinting at the time with one eye.

 

“Val, it is five am.” She sighed.

 

_“I know, I'm_ _outside.”_

Juliana groaned as she pushed herself to sit up, every cell in her body screaming in protest. “What are you doing, Val?”

 

_“Just trust me, come on, you and Kal.”_

Juliana huffed, throwing her legs out of bed. “Give me five minutes.”

 

Juliana pulled on the first thing she could find -her sweats and Valentina’s hoodie- before leaving the house and heading for Valentina’s car.

 

“Morning, sunshines.” she greeted as Kal sluggishly jumped into her back seat, also exhausted.

 

Juliana grumbled, settling in the passenger side. “What are you doing, Val?”

 

“It's a date, something I love doing.”

 

“Wake me when we get there,” Juliana settled back against seat, her head resting against the window.

 

She didn't know how long it had been when Valentina shook her awake, but what she did know was that they were at an elevated height looking over the dark city.

 

“Come,”

 

Juliana clambered out of the car, opening the door for Kal before joining Valentina on the blanket she had laid out near the cliffs edge.

 

“I like to come here when everything down there,” Valentina motioned toward the city. “Gets too much.”

 

“But why at five am.”

 

“That’s why,” Valentina motioned out over the city, we're there was just a little bit of orange peeking over the horizon.

 

“You brought me to watch the sunrise?” Juliana grinned over at Valentina. “This is the most cliché date yet.”

 

“It is a part of the date thing but,” Valentina shrugged, stretching her hands down her legs to her ankles before peering back at Juliana. “I just wanted to show you something that is important to me.”

 

There was something in Valentina's eyes, or more precisely, something missing. That spark wasn't there, that twinkle of happiness. “Is everything okay?”

 

Valentina shook her head slightly. “My brother is in jail.”

 

“Val,” Juliana sighed, pulling her close and holding her against her. “What happened?”

 

“Assault or something, I don't really know, but he's in jail right now but Eva is trying to get him out and back home.” Valentina nestled against Juliana’s neck. “But it doesn't fit, I know Guillie, he was never violent.”

 

“Losing someone, it can take its toll, people can do things you would never expect of them.” Juliana said. “He probably needs help, Val, I think maybe all of you do.”

 

“He was always so gentle.” Valentina sniffed, before straightening, wiping at her eyes. “I'm sorry, I didn't come up here for this.”

 

“Don't apologise, I don't mind.”

 

“I do,” Valentina said. “I just wanted to watch the sunset with you, no depressing shit.”

 

Juliana nodded. “It is a beautiful place.”

 

“I wanted to share it with you.”

 

Kal ran around for awhile before settling at their feet, his legs outstretched.

 

They sat mostly in silence, Juliana bracing herself with her hands behind her on the grass while Valentina tucked herself against her neck.

 

The sky was filled with beautiful purples and pinks, but Juliana still found her eyes drifting to Valentina, taking in the way the low sun was lighting up her face, her her eyes looked almost crystal like as they light hit them.

 

It took a few minutes for Valentina to sense her staring, peering up at her through her eyelashes, a little smile tugging on her lips. “Not pretty enough for you?”

 

“Too pretty for me, it'd say.” Juliana wasn't talking about the sunset, and Valentina knew as much.

 

“As if,” Valentina sat up, mirroring Juliana’s position. “We can go, if you're bored.”

 

“I'm not, this is the most relaxed I've been in a long time.” Juliana assured, sitting forward to stretch out her arms, running her fingers through Kal’s fur as she done so. “And it is a beautiful spot, I understand why you come here.”

 

“I'm glad I brought you here,” Valentina hummed. “You somehow look prettier during sunrise.”

 

Juliana snorted, leaning back on her hands again, her pinky finger covering Valentina’s.

 

She focused on the horizon for a while after that, but that became harder when she felt Valentina watching her, prompting her to turn to Valentina, pressing a smile against her own shoulder. “What?”

 

“Your eyes,” Valentina whispered, and Juliana could only stare at her for a few seconds before she started leaning in.

 

She knew what she was doing, she knew she should stop, but Valentina was leaning in, too, her eyes fluttering closed as their noses brushed and, honestly, in this moment, Juliana had had enough of denying herself something she so desperately wanted.

 

The kiss was tentative at first, and while Juliana wouldn't consider her past kisses as her first, since they weren't exactly something she consented to, she couldn't help but compare.

 

Valentina was soft, her lips pressing against Juliana’s unsurely before she pulled back, eyeing Juliana, waiting for her to back away, or push her off, but Juliana nodded slowly at the questioning look.

 

Valentina nodded, too, her hand coming up to Juliana’s neck as she slowly leaned in again, kissing Juliana’s bottom lip softly before pushing her lips fully against Juliana’s.

 

The kiss ended too soon, their foreheads falling together. “Juls,”

 

“Not right now,” Juliana whispered. “Please, Val, not right now. Can't we just _be,_ can't we just be us for now?”

 

Valentina looked like she wanted to argue, and Juliana _knew_ it wasn't fair, for her to put Valentina in a position like this, an almost limbo of not knowing what was going to happen next, and, honestly, Juliana didn't either.

 

But Valentina didn't argue, because of cause she didn't, she just nodded, her thumb tracing the line of Juliana’s jaw.

 

Juliana just watched her, and somewhere in the back of her mind a little voice was telling her that she was going to break this girls heart, or that Valentina was going to break hers.

 

“Ignore it,” Valentina whispered. “Whatever that shit voice is telling you, ignore it.”

 

Juliana had to laugh at just how well Valentina knew her.

 

“We’re us, you and me, Valentina and Juliana.” Valentina whispered. “Whatever that voice is saying, it's not true. It's not us.”

 

“We’re going to break each others hearts,” Juliana whispered. “ _That’s_ what they are saying.”

 

“This is hard, this hurts, but just for right now. It's going to get better, eventually. It isn't going to always hurt and I'm _not_ going to break your heart, Juliana.”

 

“I hope you're right.”

 

“You'll see for yourself.” Valentina lifted her chin confidently, and Juliana really wished she could force herself to believe her. “Years from now, when we are cuddled up by the fire in the winter home we’re going to buy with all of that fashion money you will have, you will look back on this moment right here and realise _this,”_ Valentina motioned between the two of them. “Was the start of something special.”

 

Juliana felt her eyes tear up a little and she smiled, nodding.

 

She didn't believe it, right now she couldn't, not with everything in her life right now, but she _really_ hoped that the future Valentina saw for them would be the future they had together.

 

\--

 

Valentina had told her the house was empty, that everyone was in Puerto Rico dealing with her brothers case, so when she entered the Carvajal household and every member of Valentina’s family were there, she froze up completely.

 

Valentina was so happy to see her brother that she didn't even register her discomfort.

 

Juliana lingered in the background for a few minutes before Valentina remembered she was there.

 

“Sorry, Gullie, this is Juliana.” Valentina dragged Guillermo over to Juliana. “Juls, this is my brother.”

 

“This is the girl you told me about the other day?” he asked, a knowing tilt to his smile.

 

Valentina looked almost bashful, and that seemed to be enough for Guillermo, who then took a step toward her, his hand outstretched.

 

“Thank you,” he said as they shook.

 

Juliana frowned, if her brother knew anything about their relationship her definitely wouldn't be thanking her.

 

“For what?”

 

Before Guillermo could reply Eva appeared, followed by Valentina’s father and step-mother.

 

“I should go, Val.” Juliana said. “Give you time with your family.”

 

“No, please, miss Valdes, stay.” Leon smiled kindly, and Juliana just wanted to run. “I want to learn more about the girl who has been taking up all of my daughters time.”

 

“We've ordered pizza for dinner,” Guillermo smiled. “Everyone likes pizza.”

 

Juliana swallowed, not missing the way Eva was eyeing here.

 

“You don't have to,” Valentina whispered, and Juliana knew her entire family was watching them.

 

Juliana looked up, noting the hope in Valentina’s eyes.

 

“I do like pizza,” Juliana said to the room, smiling softly at the beaming on Valentina’s lips.

 

“Fantastic,” Leon smiled.

 

“Valentina tells me you have a dog.” Guillermo said, slipping himself in between Valentina and Juliana as they walked to the living room. “Why isn't he here?”

 

Juliana laughed, more out of surprise than at the actual joke.

 

Valentina’s family seemed to take to her instantly (with the exception of Eva, but who kept eyeing the two of them. Juliana distanced herself from Valentina after noticing that) and Juliana had to wonder if they knew who she really was.

 

Valentina seemed to just ooze happiness, laughing and joking around with her family, and Juliana found herself getting a little mad at them for _not_ being around for Valentina, who was so clearly just keeping her head above water.

 

She didn't expect to stay as long as she did, but after they finished the pizza they headed outside, all chilling around the fire pit, Valentina tucking herself against Juliana, wrapped in Juliana’s baggy sweater. By the time Juliana realised it was dark it was already nine.

 

Everyone bar Eva hugged her goodbye, including Eva’s husband.

 

Juliana was waiting by the door while Valentina went to find her keys when Guillermo found her.

 

“She was devastated when she found out what happened.” she said, Guillermo leaning against the wall beside Juliana.

 

“Honestly, these past years haven't been great for her. She had been struggling since mami died, I can't remember the last time I seen her this happy.”

 

“You took off, maybe that's why.” Juliana said, before snapping her mouth shut. “Sorry, I-”

 

“You are right, Juliana. I was struggling and I ran, I left her but I'm not going anywhere, not again.” Guillermo said. “I thought she might need me but she has you. What I do know is I need her. She may be my baby sister but she gives me strength, you know?”

 

Boy, did Juliana know. “She does need you, maybe not right now but she might soon.”

 

Guillermo eyed her. “Are you planning on leaving?”

 

“I don't know.” She admitted quietly.

 

“She is happier than I've ever seen her with you,” Guillermo admitted. “And I see it in you, too, that happiness, so whatever is causing these reservations, it must be a good reason. But please, Juliana, don't break her heart.”

 

“Found them, they were tucked down the sofa.” Valentina huffed, eyeing the duo. “Everything okay?”

 

Juliana panicked, wondering if Guillermo was going to tell her what they had talked about.

 

“I was just saying goodbye,” Guillermo smiled, moving to Valentina’s side and whispering loud enough for Juliana to hear. “I like this one, Val.”

 

Valentina frowned, a little smile on her lips as she watched her brother leave.

 

“What was that about?”

 

“Nothing,” Juliana smiled. “Ready?”

 

Valentina drove her home, ignoring Eva when she told her to send Juliana with a driver.

 

“Thank you,” Valentina said when they pulled up outside her place. “For tonight, I know you could have run but I'm glad you didn't.”

 

“I had fun, your family is nice.”

 

“Eva is a bitch,” Valentina said. “But everyone else is great.”

 

“She is worried about you,”

 

“No, she knows I'm happy, and that pissed her off.”

 

“You know that's not true.”

 

“I think it might be.” Valentina murmured. “But everyone else loved you.”

 

“I wanted to run,”

 

“I'm happy you didn't.” Valentina whispered, and for the first time since their kiss five days ago, she leaned closer, across the center console.

 

Juliana smiled, kissing Valentina.

 

“I should go,”

 

“You have missed Kal, haven't you?” Valentina grinned knowingly, their faces still close.

 

“An obscene amount.” Juliana admitted sheepishly.

 

“Call you tonight?” Valentina requested.

 

“How else will I fall asleep?”

 

Valentina smiled, and sighed almost dreamily. “Give Kal extra kisses from me, okay?”

 

“I will,” Juliana promised. “Goodnight, Val.”

 

“Goodnight, Juls.”

 

Kal was waiting by the door for her, his tail wagging furiously behind him.

 

“Come,” Juliana opened her arms wide and Kal jumped right up into them.

 

Juliana hugged him close, hiding her face in his fur and taking a deep breath.

 

After feeding him they settled in Juliana’s bed, Juliana scratching his tummy while Kal stared up at her, seemingly giving his full attention as she spoke about her day.

 

“I’m screwed, buddy. I love her and I know it’s going to end in a broken heart.” Juliana sighed. “I just hope it's not hers.”

 

Valentina called her a few minutes later.

 

Juliana, despite everything, fell asleep with smile on her face, dozing off to the sound of Valentina telling her about Disneyland when she was a kid.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talk to me? thatoneloser-kid.tumblr.com  
> thank you in advance for reading and all of the kind words, you guys are amazing!  
> PS. if any of you guys are good at scientific statistical analysis and data handling, please help me!

Juliana started spending more time at the Carvajal household.

 

Leon and Eva went back to being absent but Guillermo was always around.

 

She and Guillermo got on quite well, both teaming up to tease Valentina, who pretended to be annoyed but the soft smile on her lips told them otherwise.

 

“She talks about you all the time,” Guillermo said one day, both of them sitting on the edge of the pool, their feet in the water while Valentina was inside making them lunch. “It's always Juliana this, Juliana that.”

 

“How much has she told you?” Juliana asked, watching Kal as he happily swam in the pool.

 

“Everything,” Juliana must have looked panicked because Guillermo placed a hand on her thigh. “Don't worry, if she is happy, I am happy. I don't care who she falls in love with.”

 

“Not everyone will say the same.”

 

“Fuck everyone else, if you are happy then who cares.”

 

Juliana hummed. “Do you know who I am? Who my father is?”

 

“We all do,”

 

“Is that why Eva doesn't like me?”

 

“No,” Guillermo laughed. “She is controlling, and you are making Valentina go against her ridiculous wishes.”

 

“I'm not good enough for her.” Juliana whispered.

 

“Eva?” Guillermo teased, and Juliana huffed out a laugh, her shoulders falling. Guillermo placed a hand on her shoulder. “No, but I'm her brother, I'm bias. But, if I had to see her with anyone, it would be you.”

 

Juliana lifted her eyes to the man, a little smile on her lips.

 

“You're great, Juliana. And everything Valentina has said about you had proven to be true, and you obviously care for her.” he gave her shoulder a little squeeze. “I like you, and if you ever need anything I'm here.”

 

That threw Juliana completely, to the point where she frowned deeply, a little surprised ‘why’ leaving her lips.

 

Guillermo laughed heartily. “I like you, kid, and not just because you are Valentina’s ‘friend, who is a girl’, her words, not mine.” he grinned crookedly, a little grin similar to Valentina’s, right down to the crinkles at the corner of his eyes. “You're good, that much is obvious, and I suppose I would consider us friends, with how often Val leaves us on our own.”

 

Juliana smiled, nodding. “Thank you, Guillermo.”

 

He nodded once, splashing Kal who was just swimming past them.

 

“She has a problem,” Juliana whispered, lifting her eyes to the window that looking into the kitchen. “The drinking, it's a problem.”

 

Guillermo frowned.

 

“She is always drinking, she always has this flask on her and I've tried talking to her about it but she just closes off whenever I mention it.”

 

“I’ve seen her drink but I didn't think it was a problem.”

 

“She says it helps her deal with everything. With me.” Juliana swallowed thickly. “I'm hurting her, Guillermo, and I don't know how to stop.”

 

“Just you?”

 

“No, a lot of other stuff, I think she's really struggling.”

 

Guillermo nodded. “I will keep an eye on her.”

 

Everything spiraled a few weeks after that.

 

Juliana was asleep when she got the phone call from Guillermo telling her that Valentina was in hospital after having her stomach pumped.

 

Juliana was up and to her car in seconds, leaving Kal behind and not caring if she woke her parents.

 

Guillermo was standing outside her door, a solemn look on his face, and Juliana felt the blood drain from her face.

 

“Is she-” Juliana whispered, getting Guillermo’s attention. “She's-”

 

“She's alive,” Guillermo said, moving to Juliana and hugging her, holding her head against his chest. “She's alive, but it was bad.”

 

“What happened?” She whispered.

 

“She was drinking, I told her to stop but she got angry, and she started yelling at me, then she disappeared, the next I seen her she was on the floor, convulsions and foaming at the mouth. She took something else but I don't know what.”

 

Juliana shook her head, her jaw clenching as she stepped back, rubbing at her damp eyes. “I _knew_ something like this was going to happen, I _warned_ her.”

 

“This isn't on you,”

 

“No, it is,” Juliana disagreed, sniffing, her eyes welling up as she pointed to herself. “I'm hurting her Guillermo, just by seeing her but I'm too selfish to stop.”

 

“It's not just you, her entire family has let her down.” Guillermo sighed. “She is still passed out, but you we can go inside and wait for her to wake up.”

 

Juliana settled on the chair beside Valentina’s bed while Guillermo laid down on the sofa across the room, quickly falling asleep.

 

Juliana took ahold of Valentina’s hand, bringing her knuckles up to her lips. “You really fucked up this time, Val.” Juliana whispered, her eyes flickering over Valentina’s face, her skin pale, her lips tinted a worrying shade of pale blue.

 

“I've warned you that you were going to end up like this, if you kept doing what you were doing.” Juliana swallowed, resting her forehead against their joined hands. “I'm so sorry, Val.”

 

Juliana felt herself dozing off, her arms crossed on the bed, when she felt a soft touch on her cheek.

 

Juliana startled away, her eyes focusing on Valentina, who was smiling softly at her, her eyes still glazed. She was still drunk.

 

“How'd you get in here?” Valentina asked, her words slurred slightly.

 

“You're in the hospital, Valentina.” Juliana sighed, watching as Valentina’s eyes flickered around the room. “What did you _take?”_

“I don't- I can’t remember.” Valentina frowned.

 

Juliana swallowed her anger, shaking her head. “You really fucked up, Valentina.”

 

“’m sorry,” Valentina whispered, and Juliana knew she would be asleep again in the next few seconds. She let that happen, leaning back in her chair before running her hands through her hair and over her face.

 

She watched Valentina, her lips parted, her chest rising and falling rhythmically.

 

Juliana knew this was partially her fault, Valentina had told her as much, and until now Juliana had been selfish, but she really thought she could help, she could _stop_ Valentina from drinking, and with Guillermo being back she thought it would be better.

 

She realised now that that wasn't true, she knew now what she had to do.

 

\--

 

She headed home a few hours later, when Leon and Eva showed up.

 

Her father was gone when she got home, falling into bed beside Kal, who was happily stretched out on top of the duvet.

 

She didn't go to visit Valentina again, and she didn't reply to her messages over the next day and a half, locking herself up in her bedroom and doing homework.

 

What she didn't expect was for Valentina to show up on the second day, knocking lightly on her window.

 

“What are you doing here?” Juliana hissed.

 

“You've been ignoring me,” Valentina shot back, stepping up onto the gas box below her window and clambering inside.

 

“You can't be here, my dad is due back soon.”

 

“Why haven't you been answering my texts?”

 

Juliana sighed. “You really fucked up with time, Valentina, you know that, right?”

 

Valentina rolled her eyes.

 

“I'm serious,” Juliana glared at her.

 

“I get it,”

 

“Do you?” Juliana snapped, moving closer and opening Valentina’s jacket, reaching into the inside pocket and taking out the flask there.”Obviously not.” she held up the flask before throwing it into the trash can, Valentina immediately turning to watch it go. “You could have fucking _died_ Valentina, your brother almost watched you die.”

 

“You don't understand, I-” Valentina wheeled around, pointing at Juliana.

 

Juliana flinched on instinct, at the sudden movement, at the finger being pointed at her. She instinctual braced herself for the hand around her neck.

 

“Juls,” Valentina’s voice was softer now, and Juliana opened her eyes to see Valentina watching her with pain and regret.

 

“It doesn't matter, I'm sorry.” Juliana quickly turned to head toward her bedroom door.

 

“No, Juliana,” Valentina moved to grab her wrist but stopped herself. “I'm not him, I would never hurt you.”

 

Juliana stopped in her tracks, but didn't turn around. “I know you're not, I'm sorry.”

 

“No, I'm sorry.” Valentina moved slowly, coming up behind Juliana and tentatively touching her forearm. “I shouldn't have acted like that. Please, look at me.”

 

Juliana glanced her jaw but turned around, slowly lifting her eyes to Valentina.

 

“I would never hurt you, you know that, right?” Valentina whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind Juliana’s ear.

 

Juliana nodded slowly.

 

“I'm sorry, I got angry, and I shouldn't have, I know you're just trying to look after me.”

 

“I'm worried about you, the drinking and the drugs, it is going to kill you.”

 

“I will try harder,”

 

“Tell me what's going on. I've been so wrapped up in all of my stuff that I didn't even realise how bad it was.” Juliana moved closer. “Talk to me, Val.”

 

“I don't know how to deal with everything, getting drunk or high is the only way I know to not feel.” Valentina admitted, her eyes tearing up. “My mom is dead, she is never coming back and I still have her book sitting on my bedside table, her bookmark in the same place because I don't want her to lose her place. My dad is never home, I haven't seen him outside of a gala in five weeks, my sister it spiralling and she is _mean_ now. I’m- I have feeling for some who I might never get the chance to be with, and they are a women. I don't know how to process that.”

 

There was that guilt again, settling in Juliana’s chest. “Val,”

 

“I'm not blaming you, I understand, I really do, but it's hard, Juliana. It's hard knowing that you feel the same, it's hard knowing that this is real but what we feel just isn't enough.” Valentina swallowed thickly. “It should make a different when it's love, shouldn't it?”

 

Juliana’s heart stuttered in her chest at those words. “Sometimes love isn't enough.” Juliana sniffed. “I'm sorry, I should have stopped this as soon as I realised where it was going.”

 

“That's not what I'm saying.”

 

“But it isn't fair, I'm being selfish and it's _hurting_ you.”

 

“You are the one thing in my life that _isn't_ hurting me. The situation is but you? No, never you.”

 

“This isn't what love should be, Val.”

 

Valentina reared up to argue, but before she could Juliana’s door opened and her heart sank at the sight of her father, obviously drunk and on _something._

 

He eyed the girls, standing a little too close. “Who the fuck is this?”

 

“No one, Papi,” Juliana said.

 

“What is she doing here? We've talked about guests, sweetheart.”

 

Juliana noted the twitch in Valentina’s jaw, quickly stepping in before she could make this worse.

 

“Come with me,” She hissed at Valentina, making to leave the room, sending Valentina out past her father first before trying to follow.

 

“I'm not done talking to you,” Chino growled, grabbing Juliana’s arm.

 

Juliana noticed how Valentina straightened, about to move forward but Juliana placed a hand on her stomach to stop her, her eyes boring into Valentina’s as she shook her head.

 

But Chino also noticed. “You got a problem, little girl.”

 

Juliana placed herself in between them when she dad moved toward Valentina.

 

“Don't,” She warned, placing a hand on her father’s chest. “That's enough, she is just leaving, we can talk afterward.”

 

Her father stared down Valentina, who glared right back, seemingly fearless, then a smirk pulled on his lips. “You know where to find me.”

 

“Let's go,” Juliana ordered when her father moved into the kitchen, pulling Valentina toward the door, Kal in tow.

 

“Come to my place,” Valentina practically begged.

 

“I can't,” Juliana shook her head. “But I need you to take Kal, I will pick him up tomorrow.”

 

“What? Why?”

 

“Please,” Juliana pleaded, her palms flat against Valentina’s stomach.

 

“Are you going to be okay?”

 

“Yeah, to hurt me he hurts what I love, which would be you and Kal, so I need you both gone.”

 

“But, Juliana-”

 

“I will come by tomorrow,” Juliana promised, kneeling beside Kal, scratching behind his neck as he put his forehead against Juliana’s. “I will get you first thing, bud.”

 

Juliana stood, thanking Valentina quickly before heading inside.

 

She took a breath, leaning back against the door as she tried to prevent the panic thundering in her chest from showing.

 

“I didn't know you were friends with Valentina Carvajal.” was the first thing her father said when she entered the kitchen, taking a swig of his beer.

 

“I'm not, we are doing a school project.”

 

“Don’t lie to me,” he dad growled, and Juliana barely had enough time to duck out of the way of the glass bottle, which smashed against the wall behind her, showering her with glass and beer.

 

She didn't have time to catch her breath before her father was on her, gripping at her jaw as he pushed her against the wall.

 

Juliana forced herself to look him in the eye, prompting him to let her go and stroking her cheek. “What have I said about lying, sweetheart?”

 

“I'm not lying, do you think a Carvajal would be friends with me?” Juliana insisted. “ _Nobody_ wants to be friends with me because they know who I am. Who in their right mind would want to be friends with a gangbanger’s daughter.”

 

Anger flashed in his eyes, Juliana knew how much he hated being called a gang banger.

 

“Listen here, girl,” he growled, his fingers curled around her neck. Juliana’s back straightened, her jaw clenching as she waited for whatever was about to happen. “After everything I've done for you.”

 

“Everything you've done?” Juliana scoffed. “My life is a nightmare because of you.”

 

“I could make it worse, don't try me.” He warned, he is fingers tightening to the point of painful. “Anything else, kiddo?”

 

Juliana’s nostrils flared as she tried to not show the pain she was in, she didn't want to give him the satisfaction.

 

“I hate you,”

 

His hand swung up, and Juliana screwed her eyes closed, waiting for the impact.

 

But it never came, instead the pressure was removed from her neck, and there was a loud slapping noise.

 

Juliana opened her eyes to the pained whimper from her mother, snapping out of her fear induced daze when her father picked her mother up and threw her against the wall.

 

“Dad, stop,” She tried to pull him off of her, but he was stronger than she was. “Dad!”

 

He seemed to snap out of it then, his hand around her mother's throat loosened and he took a step back, and her mother slide down the wall to the floor, wrapping her arms around her legs. “I'm not your father,"

 

Juliana rushed to her mother's side, ignoring the statement that had been thrown at her so many times over her life, eyeing the cut on her cheek. “Mami, why-”

 

“I'm sorry,” She whimpered. “I'm so sorry, mija.”

 

Juliana swallowed, pulling her sobbing mother against her chest. “Come, I will run you a bath.”

 

Her mother settled on the side of the tub as Juliana ran the water, completely dazed.

 

“Mami,” Juliana whispered, kneeling in front of her mother, whose eyes finally focused on her, her fingertips coming up to brush against Juliana's neck.

 

“I'm sorry,” She whispered. “I'm sorry I let it get this far.”

 

Juliana sighed, she couldn't do this tonight. “Wash and go to bed, Mami, he will probably be out all night.”

 

Juliana left then, cleaning the kitchen before climbing into her own bed, curling up into a ball, her face pressed against her pillow. 

 

She cried, ignoring her phone buzzing on the bedside table.

 

She cried herself to sleep that night.

 

When she woke up she had twenty-three text messages from Valentina, most begging her just to reply.

 

_Juls [06:10]: I will come pick him up in half an hour._

Valentina’s reply came less than half a minute later.

 

**Val [06:10]: are you okay?**

_Juls [06:11]: Yeah. See you soon._

Juliana pulled on a hoodie and a pair of sweats before heading out to her car. Her father wasn't home yet, his car still missing from the driveway, but Juliana couldn't bring herself to care.

 

Valentina was waiting for her at the gate when she pulled up, chewing on her thumb nail in that way she did when she was nervous.

 

Valentina wrapped her up in a hug as soon as she got out of the car, Kal jumping up and pressing his head into her back.

 

“Are you okay?” Valentina pulled back, surveying Juliana for any damage, her eyes landing on the bruise forming on Juliana’s neck. “Juls-”

 

“I'm fine,” Juliana assured. “Val, I don't think-”

 

“Please don't,” Valentina interrupted. “I know what you're going to say, please don't.”

 

“I'm sorry, Val, but it's for the best, for both of us.” Juliana took a step back, turning to head back to her car.

 

“Juliana,” Valentina rushed to put herself in front of Juliana. “I'm not the only one who feels this, I know, on some level, you feel this too.”

 

“Of course I do,” Juliana frowned. “Are you kidding? You are the one good thing I have other than Kal.”

 

“So, don't do this.”

 

“That’s why I'm doing this.” Juliana sighed. “I can't risk you, not with him, not anymore.”

 

“So, what? You are just going to push everyone who loves you away?” Valentina argued. “That is no way to be happy.”

 

“I _can't_ be happy while he is still here, Val.” Juliana snapped. “He takes everything I care about, I don't get to be happy.”

 

Juliana didn't realise she was crying until Valentina cupped her cheek, using the pad of her thumb to catch her tears.

 

“You don't understand, and I know this seems like the wrong thing to do but trust me, we have to stop seeing each other.”

 

Valentina looked heartbroken but nodded. “I'm here if you ever need me, I don't care if it is tomorrow, next month or next year.”

 

“Why?”

 

“The same reason you're pushing me away,” Valentina let their foreheads fall together, and Juliana closed her eyes, revelling in the closeness.

 

“I have to go, Val.”

 

Valentina nodded, stepped aside to allow Juliana to get to her car.

 

“Juls,”

 

Juliana looked to Valentina as she took a seat, pulling her door closed and rolling down the window.

 

“You don't deserve to be alone, and I understand why are you doing this, but I don't think it is the right thing.” Valentina stared at her through tearful eyes. “He hurts you, you can't keep going back there.”

 

"You know, in a different life, we could have been that cosmic love you were talking about."

 

Valentina's lips lifted in a sad smile. "We already are,"

 

Juliana swallowed. “Thank you for taking Kal,”

 

Valentina nodded. “He has had his morning feed.”

 

“Bye, Valentina.”

 

“Bye, Juliana.”

 

Kal kept his chin on her thigh the entire ride, and that seemed to be the only thing keeping her from crying because as soon they reached her house and Kal moved, Juliana broke down completely.

 

Kal pawed at her hands when she brought them up to cover her face, clambering onto her lap and forcing himself against her chest.

 

Juliana cried against his neck, holding him tight against her.

 

She didn't end up getting out of the car on her own accord, her mother ended up coming down to get her, and if Juliana was so heart broken she would have noted that her mother was actually out of her pyjamas and had been out of her room to actually _see_ her outside.

 

Her mother ushered her inside, both of them curling up on Juliana’s bed, and Juliana let herself let go.

 

Her mother whispered soft words as she sobbed against her her chest.

 

“What’s wrong, Juliana?”

 

“Mami, I- I love her, Mami.” Juliana admitted, unsure of what her mother's reaction would be.

 

“That Carvajal girl?”

 

“Yes,”

 

Juliana heard her mother swallow, and she waiting for her to push her off and tell her just how disgusting that was.

 

But she didn't, she held her tighter. “She is very pretty.”

 

“I can't, mami, not with him.”

 

“I understand,” Lupita hummed. “He won't be here forever, and neither will you, you are going to get out of here.”

 

Juliana’s stomach twisted. “Mami, you know-”

 

“Yes, and I will do everything I can to help. I'm sorry I haven't been a mother to you, but I am going to do better, I am going to take care of this.”

 

Juliana wasn't sure what that meant, but she didn't have it in her to ask, just curling up against her mother.

 

Her father didn't come home that night, but come Monday morning her was passed out on the sofa as Juliana was leaving for school.

 

Juliana kept her head down for the entire day, and she honestly expected Valentina to show up at lunch (a part of her really wished she did, because she knew she couldn't say no to her again) but she didn't.

 

Juliana did see Valentina around, passing each other in the hallway, and Valentina looked just as exhausted as Juliana did, but she sure did wear it better.

 

She found herself staring at Valentina, and had caught Valentina staring at her. It wasn't fair, what they had was real, it could have been something, if not for her dangerous father.

 

Her father was spiralling, he was drinking and getting high more, coming home beat up more often than not, and Juliana found herself wondering when he just wouldn't come home.

 

Her mother, however, went in the opposite direction.

 

She was out of her room and dressed everyday, getting herself a job and engaging more with Juliana. Juliana knew she was still struggling, she was still being abused by Chino, but she was trying and Juliana really appreciate that.

 

She didn't forgive her sitting back and letting past abuse happen but she appreciated how much she was going to protect her now.

 

Guillermo kept Juliana updated on Valentina, telling her that she was still drinking but there was no drug taking anymore, Juliana figured that was something.

 

It was three days before summer that she got the news that made her stomach drop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this is somewhat of a cliffhanger.  
> Yes, I do have my dissertation due and have no idea when I will be updating next.  
> Yes, I am very sorry about that!  
> Maybe let me know what you think the news it?


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the final chapter.
> 
> Thank you guys so much for all of your nice comments, you are all amazing!
> 
> If you have any prompts or comment, come talk to me? thatoneloser-kid.tumblr.com

She hated herself.

 

She hated that she felt like this.

 

She hated that she was _sad_ over this.

 

She hated him, she hated everything about him.

 

She should be _happy_.

 

But he was still her father, a part of her always hoped he would turn it around, that he could be the father she had seen other kids have.

 

Then she got the call.

 

_‘Dumped onto the doorstep of his righthand man.’_

_‘Bullet to the head.’_

_‘An execution,’_

Part of her was sad, but part of felt this odd sense of happiness at the fact her was made to beg, that he felt what he had made so many people feel.

 

There was something in her telling her that she should talk to her mother, question her more about what she said that night, but she honestly didn't want to know.

 

She and her mother sat in the living room the night they found out, the house silent.

 

“I'm happy about this.” Juliana whispered. “Part of me is sad, but not for him, for the father I wanted him to become.”

 

Her mother placed a hand on her thigh, giving her a soft smile. “It is okay to feel that way, he was a bastard.”

 

Juliana nodded.

 

“You don't have to go to the funeral,”

 

“I want to,”

 

Come the morning of the funeral Juliana was second guessing whether she should go or not, she couldn't bring Kal, he has been misbehaving a lot recently has had to be kept on a leash, so she didn't trust him to be there.

 

She ultimately decided to go, glaring at the sicario that were waiting outside the cemetery, all of which just smiled at her.

 

What she didn't expect was to head to the grave and for Valentina and Guillermo to be waiting there.

 

“I called her,” Lupita said when Juliana stopped walking. “I thought you could use her here.”

 

Juliana took a deep breath before continuing on, coming up beside Valentina. Guillermo reached around Valentina to give her shoulder a squeeze, but neither of the siblings looked at her.

 

It was just the four of them, the sicario didn't come close.

 

Juliana could only glare at the coffin, not taking her eyes off of it, _just in case._

 

Valentina's hand found hers pretty soon after the service started, clutching tightly onto her hand, and a little sob escaped Juliana’s lips that certainly wasn't for her father.

 

Juliana felt this sense of relief when the coffin was lowered into the ground, a sigh of relief leaving her lips when the first shovel full of dirt was thrown on top.

 

Valentina wrapped an arm around her shoulders, holding her close.

 

After the service was over her mother, Guillermo and Valentina headed toward the bar across the street, all probably realising Juliana needed a little time to herself.

 

She was sitting there for a little over an hour, just watching the grave being filled in, making sure her father didn't somehow climb his way out. He was like a cockroach like that.

 

It was a little over an hour before Valentina took a seat beside you.

 

“How are you doing?” Valentina asked.

 

“Relieved,”

 

“You always said you wanted to see him put in the ground.”

 

“Then why am I upset about it?” Juliana swallowed, turning to Valentina with tearful eyes.

 

“Because you lost a parent,” Valentina whispered, bringing her hand up to Juliana’s cheek, wiping away one of the tears that fell. “You get to feel this, Juliana. It doesn't matter how you think you _should_ feel, it is about how you do feel.”

 

“I hated him, he hurt the people I love, I shouldn't be feeling any kind of sadness toward him.”

 

“But you do, so let yourself feel it.” Valentina smoothed her thumb along Juliana’s cheek bone, her eyes flitting over Juliana’s face.

 

“I've missed you,” Juliana admitted in a soft voice.

 

Valentina nodded softly. “Me too.”

 

“I'm sorry, about everything, I-”

 

“Don't,” Valentina interrupt. “This isn't the time, and you _need_ time. Your father just died, and you might not be grieving but you need time to adjust.”

 

Juliana nodded, she knew Valentina was right, she wasn't in the right headspace to start anything like this.

 

“But I'm here when you're ready,” Valentina promised. “Come, your mother is worried about you.”

 

Valentina stood, and Juliana quickly followed, wrapping her fingers would her wrist to prevent her from leaving.

 

She gave her wrist a little tug, telling Valentina what she wanted but giving her the opportunity to back out.

 

Thankfully, she didn't, allowing Juliana to pull her around, her hands finding the girls cheeks milliseconds before their lips crashed together.

 

The kiss was rushed, a little panicked, and needy, but only lasted a few seconds before Valentina pulled back, their foreheads pressed together. “This can't happen yet, Juls.”

 

“I know,” Juliana whispered, her eyes closed and her nose brushing against Valentina’s.

 

“Let's go to the bar,”

 

When they got there Panchito was there, smiling widely at Juliana when she entered.

 

“Slightly melted ice cream,” he offered, holding out a tub toward Juliana, who accepts it was a little smile.

 

She settled into the booth between Guillermo and Valentina, letting the table chat amongst themselves, Guillermo and her mother getting along well.

 

It took her awhile to realise Valentina was drinking water.

 

“You're not drinking?”

 

Valentina shook her head slowly. “That’s the last thing you need today.”

 

Juliana found herself just staring at Valentina, unable to tear her eyes away because she didn't know when she would see her next.

 

“I'm trying to be better,” Valentina admitted quietly. “It hadn't been going well but I've been trying.”

 

Juliana’s lips hooked up into a little smile. “I'm proud of you.”

 

Valentina walked Juliana to her car when they were heading home, her mother lingering back with Panchito.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah, I think I just had to make sure he actually went in the ground.” Juliana laughed tiredly.

 

“You look tired.” Valentina said softly, moving closer to Juliana, tentatively pushing a strand of hair behind her ear, her fingertips skimming the skin of her cheek.

 

“I am, my head has kind of been all over the place.” Juliana felt herself lean toward the touch.

 

“Yeah, I get that.” Valentina hummed. “I'm proud of you, you know? For how you dealt with today.”

 

“I cried for a man who threatened my life in more than one occasion.”

 

“You cried for your father.” Valentina disagreed. “I will see you soon, okay?”

 

Juliana nodded, and Valentina took one last chance to run her eyes over her face before she turned, walking a few steps before Juliana spoke up again.

 

“Val?”

 

“Mm?” Valentina peered over her shoulder at her.

 

“Do you still love me?”

 

Val laughed softly, moving back toward Juliana, cupping her cheeks. “Seeing you now? How you are dealing with everything. I love you more than I did before. And that just keeps growing with each day. Being apart from you doesn't make me love you less.”

 

“Promise?”

 

Valentina nodded, holding up her pinky. “Promise,”

 

Juliana smiled softly, hooking her finger around Valentina’s.

 

“Text me soon, okay? When you're ready I'm here.”

 

“I love you,” Juliana whispered.

 

“I know,” Valentina brought her hand up to Juliana’s cheek, giving it a little stroke before taking a step back. “Say hi to Kal for me, yeah? I've missed him.”

 

“He's missed you, he's been acting up since you weren't around.”

 

“Bye, Juliana.”

 

Juliana nodded, pulling a smile on her lips and waving, the lump in her throat making it impossible to speak.

 

Her eyes started to cloud as soon as Valentina was out of view, then she was being pulled into her mother's arms.

 

“I just want Kal,” She whispered, broken.

 

\--

 

Juliana went through the motions for the next week and a half, doing what she knew she was supposed to do.

 

Surviving but hardly living.

 

School was over so she didn't even get the chance to see Valentina in school, she knew nothing about what was happening with her.

 

Was she going to college? If so, when? Where? Last she heard she was looking at New York, to study to become a journalist like everyone else in her family.

 

But that could have changed entirely since they last spoke.

 

It was two weeks before she heard from Valentina.

 

  **Val [10:45]: I know you need you space, but call this number, tell her your name, she is expecting a call**

Juliana frowned at the number, unsure of what she expect to happen.

 

You could have given her a thousand guesses and she wouldn't have gotten it correct.

 

According to the woman on the phone Valentina had spent months showing her her designs, sending her drawing and photos of whatever clothes Juliana had made to her in the hopes that one of the other students accepted to the course dropped out ("or die, Val’s words, not mine").

 

The phone call ended with a request for a professional portfolio of her work within the week and a video interview if she was successful.

 

Juliana managed to hold it together until the phone call ended, then she broke down completely.

 

_Juls [11:20]: thank you so much, Valentina_

**Val [11:23]: I didn't do anything, this was as all you**

**[11:24]: you're good enough, you've got this, the whole interview this is just a formality, she adores everything she has seen**

Juliana felt that guilt bubble in her chest.

_Juls [11:26]: I'm not ready yet, I want to be but I'm not, it wouldnt be fair._

**Val [11:27]: I didn't do this to get back with you, I did this because you deserve a chance, Juls**

**[11:28]: and it would be a crime for people to never see your designs**

**[11:30]: whenever you are ready, I mean that**

Juliana stared at the screen and swallowed, heading into the living room, where her mother was working. “Mami,” her mother lifted her eyes to her. “Can I go talk to someone?”

 

She mother straightened. “Like a therapist?”

 

“Yeah, I- I'm not-” Juliana shook her head sucking in her lips. “I need help, to deal with what's next, to help me keep my head above water, to be good enough for her.”

 

“Mija,” Lupita sighed, standing and moving closer to her daughter, cupping her cheeks. “ _You_ are plenty good enough. But I agree, with you going to see someone. You have a lot to work through, and I know a lot of that is my doing, I didn't protect you like a mother should.”

 

Juliana swallowed, watching her mother carefully.

 

“There is no excuse for what I done, for what I let him do, but I want to be better, for you, in hopes that you will forgive me.”

 

“You were afraid too.” Juliana said. “And, no, that isn't an excuse, you should have protected me.” her voice cracked as she spoke. “But you were afraid, too.”

 

Her mother's lip quivering.

 

“I think you should see someone, too. To help you deal with this guilt, because guilt eats away at you.” her mother nodded. “We’re going to be okay.”

 

Her mother smiled, stroking her cheek. “We are going to be okay.”

 

Juliana told her mother about what Valentina had done, how she was a candidate for a fashion design school in New York, and if she get in she would be leaving in a few months.

 

She expected her mother to be upset, that she was leaving, but there was nothing but happiness in her mother's eyes, and Juliana felt something lift from her chest.

 

Juliana spent every waking moment on her portfolio, only taking time off to see the therapist her mother had set her up with.

 

She gave her some ways to work through the unreasonable guilt she felt, the guilt that ate away at her.

 

(“Why do you feel like this?”

 

“Because people got hurt.”

 

“And you think that was your fault?”

 

“It was his.”

 

“Yet, you still feel the guilt, why?”

 

“I looked into the eyes of people just as he snuffed that light out. I did nothing.”

 

“You were - _are-_ a child, Juliana. But watching people die, it can leave you with a thing called survivor's guilt. You feel like you didn't do enough because you survived but that isn't how it works. You deserve to be here, no matter how much you think you don't.”)

 

She managed to finish her portfolio in five days.

 

**Rafael [13:56]: I had a quick look over lunch. Incredible, if it is to that standard the whole way through then you have nothing to worry about.**

Juliana grinned, pulling Kal against her and stuffing her face into his fur.

 

It took a few days for Rafael to get back to her, having to run it past the board, she set up a date for the interview a few days later.

 

Juliana was nervous, rubbing her palms on her jeans as the call connected, but after a few minutes with the woman she felt relaxed, laughing and joking with her.

 

_(“It will take about a month and a half for this to become official, but I can assure you that you have nothing to worry about.”)_

It was just under two months before she got the call telling her her start date.

She squealed, hugging her mother.

 

She thought about calling Valentina to tell her everything, but she knew that conversation would take a turn to their relationship afterwards, and she needed to get her thoughts straight.

 

So she took Kal for a walk in the park, keeping him on his leash because he was still misbehaving.

 

Juliana kept her phone on her hand, her thumb hovering over Valentina’s number.

 

Juliana was so focused on her phone that she didn't register Kal moving behind her, his lead wrapping around her legs. She let out a little yelp when Kal rushed forward, pulling her legs and taking her with him.

 

Then she collided with someone, hands coming up to steady both of them as Kal wrapped his leash around their legs.

 

A little squeal escaped the other woman's lips as they clashed together, and Juliana opened her mouth to apologise, but when she looked up she was meet with Valentina’s wide, startled eyes.

 

A little smile pulled slowly onto Valentina's lips, and she opened her mouth to speak but before she could Juliana kissed her, pushing her body against Valentina, her hands clutching onto her neck.

 

Valentina tensed, but relaxed quickly, her arms wrapping around Juliana’s body, holding her close, her hands flat against her back.

 

Juliana wrapped her arms in Valentina’s jacket, holding her close to make sure Valentina didn't move when she pulled back an inch.

 

“I got in.” she whispered against Valentina’s lips.

“I had not doubt that you would,” Valentina replied softly, her eyes flickering over Juliana’s face. “That’s twice, if I didn't know any better I would say Kal _really_ wants us to be together.”

 

“He has been a little brat since you haven't been around.”

 

“We should change that,” Valentina replied smoothly.

 

Juliana smiled widely, but it slipped after a few seconds. “I'm leaving in a few weeks.”

 

“Mm, New York?” Juliana nodded. “Design school?” she nodded again. “Which starts in a few weeks?” nod. “We should get a place together.”

 

Juliana nodded on instinct, before frowning and pulling back. “Huh?”

 

“Well, I mean, I would be foolish to get separated places, it's so expensive to live there.”

 

“You're going to New York?”

 

“CUNY,” Valentina smiled widely. “Two bedroom, of course, moving in to the same room at this stage would be too fast, we aren't u-hauling.”

 

Juliana laughed, her forehead falling against the side of Valentina’s head.

 

“Cosmic strings, Juls, I'm telling you, we are meant to be together.” Valentina kissed the side of Juliana’s head. “All if this up until now has been background noise, the beginning of what is going to be an incredible story.”

 

“You believe that?” Juliana whispered, pulling back to look at her.

 

“You don't?” Valentina cocked an eyebrow. “Look at us, always brought together but this little trickster.” Valentina motioned to Kal, sitting beside the, leash still wrapped around them, staring up at them with his tongue hanging out. “Like I've always said, you and me, it is an inevitable thing. And I think that's not just in this lifetime, but in every lifetime.”

 

“You mean like soulmates?”

 

“Exactly like soulmates.” Valentina nodded. “But we need to talk things through.”

 

Juliana nodded in agreement. “I've been seeing someone.”

 

Valentina’s smile dropped, and she recoiled slightly, it was then Juliana realised how that sounded.

 

“No. No, not- a therapist. I've been seeing a therapist.” Valentina relaxed, laughing softly out of relief. “She has really been helping. We've worked through some stuff from my childhood.”

 

“I’m proud of you,” Valentina said with a soft smile. “I went back to my therapist, too.” she said, digging into her pocket and putting out a chip. It took Juliana a few seconds to realise that it was a two month sober chip. “I've just come from a meeting, it's going okay.”

 

“Okay? Val, two months sober, that is amazing!” Juliana grinned giddily, pulling Valentina in for a tight hug. “I'm so proud of you.”

 

“I wanted to be better,” Valentina whispered. “I wanted to be good enough.”

 

“You are more than good enough,”

 

“But I wasn't in the right mindset.” Valentina replied. “Neither of us were.”

 

“No,” Juliana agreed, pulling back to look at Valentina. “And it isn't going to be easy, even now.”

 

“The best things never are,” Valentina grinned crookedly.

 

“What I do know is that life is easier with you, and I want to be with you. I'm not completely okay but I don't know if I ever will be.”

 

“I don't expect you to be the perfect human, I just want to love someone who is capable of accepting it, which you weren't before.”

 

“No,”

 

“And I wasn't in the right place, either, I was clinging onto any attention I got.” Valentina admitted. “But then I fell so hard in love and it hurt so bad because I didn't know if you would ever get here, or if you loved me back and I was so afraid.”

 

“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have made you feel like that.”

 

“It wasn't on you, we were both struggling.” Valentina assured. “How about we start again?”

 

Valentina untangled her legs from Kal’s leash, holding her hand out to Juliana.

 

“I'm Valentina Carvajal,”

 

Juliana giggled, taking Valentina’s hand, giving it a shake. “Juliana Valdes.”

 

“Juliana, that's a beautiful name.” Valentina smiled charmingly. “And who is this?”

 

“This is Kal, he is a dumbass.”

 

Valentina laughed. “Nah, he has such wise eyes.”

 

Juliana grinned bashfully, ducking her head.

 

“I think this might be the start of something good, Juliana Valdes.”

 

“Some might say something cosmic.”

 

Valentina melted, swooping down and kissing Juliana.

 

Juliana kissed her for a few seconds but pulled back with a faux-scandalised gasp. “Miss Carvajal, what kind of girl do you take me for, we have known each other few a few minutes.”

 

“Yet here we are, completely in love with each other.” Valentina smiled.

 

“Yeah,” Juliana all but sighed, her hands pressed against Valentina’s chest. “We’re going to be okay.”

 

“We are,” Valentina agreed. “Come, Guillie has missed you.”

 

They talked that night, for hours, about what had happened before, what it it been like the past few months without each other, what their plans were for the future.

 

They were giggling come the end, at the idea of moving together, of going to New York and starting a new life away from all the horrible memories of home.

 

They started looking for places to live, but Juliana quickly stopped helping when Valentina was looking at places in downtown Manhattan. Juliana knew she couldn't afford to contribute half to the rest but Valentina wouldn't relent, so she stopped helping.

 

Valentina was standoffish with her mother at first, probably because of what she let Chino put Juliana through, but they quickly came to an understanding.

 

Come the end of August they had packed all of their things into Juliana’s corvette, after Guillie promised to drive Juliana’s car up a few weeks later.

 

With a huff, Juliana pulled away from the curb, waving her at her tearing up mother.

 

She glanced at Valentina, who was watching her with a soft smile. She held her hand out to her, and Valentina quickly slapped her hand into Juliana’s. “You okay?” Juliana asked, running her thumb over Valentina’s knuckles.

 

“More than okay, you?” Valentina brought their joined fingers up to her lips.

 

Kal’s head peaked over the back of the seat then, her wet nose pressing into the back of Juliana neck.

 

“So okay,” Juliana glanced at her. “I love you.”

 

“I love you,” a little whine escaped Kal’s throat. “I also love you handsome.”

 

Kal’s tongue fell out of his mouth as Valentina scratched under his chin.

 

Juliana felt a sense of peace wash over her as she hit the freeway, the further she got from home the less the pressure on her chest was, and it was freeing, knowing she was driving away to a new life.

 

She glanced over at Valentina, her fingers drawing little patterns on Juliana’s lap, slouched in the seat with her head resting back against the back of the seat as she watched the world go by.

 

She couldn't help but smile at the sight , at the idea of Valentina living her back.

 

She was happy, happier than she ever thought possible, with this obnoxiously pretty girl and the dog crunching away on his bone in the back, knowing that she was about to attend one of the best design school there was.

 

She never thought she would get here, get away from her life here, meet someone who loved her so unwaveringly.

 

She sighed contently, one have staying on the wheel while the other arm moved behind Valentina, running along the top of the seat.

 

She was happy, she was never going to let anyone ruin that again.

 


End file.
